As far as I can think back my sister has been my best friend. Sure there were times that we argued and I wanted so bad to ball up my fist and hit her, but hey I grew out of that.
It wasn't until I was in my twenties that I realized how much I needed her. It's not easy being a girl and we all have those days when we feel like we don't have a friend in the world, but I can honestly say I've never felt that. Not because I have so many friends, but because she's always been there. No matter what is going in my life, she always knows what to say. She always makes me feel like whatever it is I'm dealing with is completely normal. ( which I know isn't always the case)
Ever since she left home in 1997, we haven't lived in the same town. Most of our conversations are either on the phone or through text. Just this morning I text her and her response was right on... Exactly what I needed to hear. Throughout the first 3 months of Liza's life, she is the one who kept me afloat. I can remember calling her sobbing and not sure why, and she cried with me. She told me it was all normal, and it would all be ok.. And she was right. One day it was all ok. Liza is 2 now and things are just fine. I didn't break her, or mess up too bad ;)
Today we went and spent the day with she and the boys. We went to Build-a-Bear... Had lunch at Chick-Fil-A... Played at Barnes and Noble... And finished up at Kris and Sams. As Liza and I got in the car to leave, Liza wanted to hug and kiss everyone. We got to the bottom of the driveway and Liza said "Mom, I love Honey." It was the most sincere statement she's ever made. I looked at Liza and said "I love her too Liza, more than you'll ever know." It hit me right then... Where in the heck would I be without her. How would I have ever gotten over all those silly breakups? How would I have made it through those terrible baby blues? How would I have gone back to work after having Liza? She has supported me through it all. Even when she knew I wasn't making the right decision.
With all that being said, thank you sister. Thank you so much for being my best friend. I am so lucky to have you. I strive to be more like you every day. Although you have no idea, you are the strongest, kindest, most sincere person I know. I pray that Liza is half the big sister you have been to me, one day.
We love you Honey.
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Let it go...
As a Christian my biggest struggle and letting go of things and handing them over to God. I like to think that this is common with others. I wouldn't consider myself controlling at all ( Tyler might disagree:/) , but there is a part of me who likes things a certain way. Maybe that's why I became a teacher. I like for things to have order. I like routine and schedule. I like these things because then I know what to expect. The older I get the more I realize this isn't realistic. Sure, I can keep order in my classroom, and our home can run on a schedule and be organized. BUT I cannot control things that will happen. One of my closest friends is fighting cancer. I refuse to say she is sick with cancer, because by gosh she is a FIGHTER if I've ever seen one. I find myself praying for her and for other people in my life and in those prayers I tend to "ask" God for things. That's normal right?!?! Then I find myself discouraged because whatever it is I asked for didn't happen. It didn't happen soon enough for me.
This morning in church our preacher began his sermon with this "Prayer is one of those mysterious things in life. Think about it. We tend to ask for things. Prayer wasn't designed so that we could ask God for things. Instead prayer is our way of getting on the same page as God." HELLO Spencer... It hit me like a ton of bricks. The sermon was based on Romans 8:26-30. He went on to say " we as Christians must acknowledge our weaknesses and ask God for help. Ask him for help in understanding what is going on in our lives. In times when we are so desperate for words, when we are praying and can't even seem to form words, God already knows our thoughts. Romans 8:26 says " The Spirit helps us in our weaknesses. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." So like I've said so many times why do I worry? Why do I try to control it all? It is so comforting to know that no matter how bad it may seem and how speechless I may become, HE'S GOT THIS!!!
Verse 28 says "And we know tht in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Does this mean everything will be good, nope! BUT what it does mean is that the end result is good! God will reveal his good through whatever we may be going through. The preacher gave a wonderful comparison. We call it Good Friday. Is it really good? Not for Jesus it wasn't, but the end result was so much more than good. Verse 29 says " For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son..." In order for us to be an image of his Son it may be a painful process. We must suffer. He did and we will too, but not for long. He wrapped up his sermon by saying "When we find ourselves in prayer not knowing what to say,know that glory awaits us." HOW FREAKING AWESOME is that!!!! I needed this. I needed to hear every single word. None of this was new information, but I always need to be reminded that no matter how bad I want things to work my way... I am not in charge AND as hard/evil/sick this world may seem at times heaven awaits me! A heaven with no cancer!!!!!! And for this I am so thankful!
This morning in church our preacher began his sermon with this "Prayer is one of those mysterious things in life. Think about it. We tend to ask for things. Prayer wasn't designed so that we could ask God for things. Instead prayer is our way of getting on the same page as God." HELLO Spencer... It hit me like a ton of bricks. The sermon was based on Romans 8:26-30. He went on to say " we as Christians must acknowledge our weaknesses and ask God for help. Ask him for help in understanding what is going on in our lives. In times when we are so desperate for words, when we are praying and can't even seem to form words, God already knows our thoughts. Romans 8:26 says " The Spirit helps us in our weaknesses. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." So like I've said so many times why do I worry? Why do I try to control it all? It is so comforting to know that no matter how bad it may seem and how speechless I may become, HE'S GOT THIS!!!
Verse 28 says "And we know tht in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Does this mean everything will be good, nope! BUT what it does mean is that the end result is good! God will reveal his good through whatever we may be going through. The preacher gave a wonderful comparison. We call it Good Friday. Is it really good? Not for Jesus it wasn't, but the end result was so much more than good. Verse 29 says " For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son..." In order for us to be an image of his Son it may be a painful process. We must suffer. He did and we will too, but not for long. He wrapped up his sermon by saying "When we find ourselves in prayer not knowing what to say,know that glory awaits us." HOW FREAKING AWESOME is that!!!! I needed this. I needed to hear every single word. None of this was new information, but I always need to be reminded that no matter how bad I want things to work my way... I am not in charge AND as hard/evil/sick this world may seem at times heaven awaits me! A heaven with no cancer!!!!!! And for this I am so thankful!
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Looking back...
Dear Liza,
This morning I was looking at pictures on my Timehop app and thinking back to what our life was like 2 years ago. You were one week old and as my Facebook post said , I was a nervous wreck. When the sun went down my anxiety got really really bad. I wanted Cookie here with us the minute it got dark. I can remember sitting down on the couch attempting to eat a bowl of potato soup that some wonderful friends had brought over, and the minute it hit my mouth I knew I couldn't eat. I was a ball of nerves. At the time I wasn't sure why, but today looking back, I know exactly why. I can remember your sweet daddy saying "I won't eat if you can't" and "What's the matter babe, have you been crying?" and "What can I do to help". He was the best! He still is. We hit the jackpot on daddies!
I remember a time not long from this that I was rocking you in your room, and your Grandmother came over to get something. I had been rocking you and crying and crying for quite some time. A part of me was embarrassed, but another part of me wanted her to help. I'm not sure what she was suppose to do, but I wanted someone to take away all of the fears I had. I was so scared of messing up. So scared that I would do something wrong, and no matter how many people told me that this wasn't possible, I was terrified! I bet I called your Honey 50 times a day just to hear her voice and hear her say "I know exactly how you feel." This was what I needed, I needed to know that she had these same fears and that eventually they went away.(somewhat)
When you were about 8 days old I received a phone call from my doctor who delivered you. At the time we weren't close friends, but she made me feel so much better. I remember her saying "How do you feel? How is Liza? That is all normal!" One thing she said that I will never ever forget was "You are doing wonderful, and everything you are feeling is completely normal." She continued checking on us often, and today she is one of my best friends. Just the other night when you had your meltdown at Honey's house she sent me a text saying "This is no big deal, Liza's just flexing her muscles and being a two year old. I promise it's ok!"
Looking back I know everything I did was just fine, but at the time I was so unsure. Today you are 2 years old. You are full of life. You love to laugh and make us laugh all the time. Every day more of your personality comes out. Your manners are wonderful. You always say mam' (to men and women) and thank you and please. I still have fears and anxiety, but its not the same kind. I have grown so much more confident in myself and my ability to care for you.
Yesterday one of my best friends was hurt. She was hurt because of what someone said. This person was suppose to be a good friend, but as you will learn throughout life, sometimes those who we think are our friends, really aren't. Life can be so hard Liza, especially as a girl. There will be a time in your life when you are hurt... Many times... Just the thought of it makes my stomach turn, but just as Honey wrote in her letter to you, we must surround ourselves with kind people who love us.
So today January 4, 2014, I'm not a nervous wreck like I was 2 years ago. I'm not emotional. I'm not staring at you every minute making sure you're breathing. Instead I 'm praying every single day that I raise you to be kind. I pray that you see this in me. I pray that one day when you are hurt, I will be able to comfort you. I love you more than I ever knew I could love.
XOXO,
Mom
This morning I was looking at pictures on my Timehop app and thinking back to what our life was like 2 years ago. You were one week old and as my Facebook post said , I was a nervous wreck. When the sun went down my anxiety got really really bad. I wanted Cookie here with us the minute it got dark. I can remember sitting down on the couch attempting to eat a bowl of potato soup that some wonderful friends had brought over, and the minute it hit my mouth I knew I couldn't eat. I was a ball of nerves. At the time I wasn't sure why, but today looking back, I know exactly why. I can remember your sweet daddy saying "I won't eat if you can't" and "What's the matter babe, have you been crying?" and "What can I do to help". He was the best! He still is. We hit the jackpot on daddies!
I remember a time not long from this that I was rocking you in your room, and your Grandmother came over to get something. I had been rocking you and crying and crying for quite some time. A part of me was embarrassed, but another part of me wanted her to help. I'm not sure what she was suppose to do, but I wanted someone to take away all of the fears I had. I was so scared of messing up. So scared that I would do something wrong, and no matter how many people told me that this wasn't possible, I was terrified! I bet I called your Honey 50 times a day just to hear her voice and hear her say "I know exactly how you feel." This was what I needed, I needed to know that she had these same fears and that eventually they went away.(somewhat)
When you were about 8 days old I received a phone call from my doctor who delivered you. At the time we weren't close friends, but she made me feel so much better. I remember her saying "How do you feel? How is Liza? That is all normal!" One thing she said that I will never ever forget was "You are doing wonderful, and everything you are feeling is completely normal." She continued checking on us often, and today she is one of my best friends. Just the other night when you had your meltdown at Honey's house she sent me a text saying "This is no big deal, Liza's just flexing her muscles and being a two year old. I promise it's ok!"
Looking back I know everything I did was just fine, but at the time I was so unsure. Today you are 2 years old. You are full of life. You love to laugh and make us laugh all the time. Every day more of your personality comes out. Your manners are wonderful. You always say mam' (to men and women) and thank you and please. I still have fears and anxiety, but its not the same kind. I have grown so much more confident in myself and my ability to care for you.
Yesterday one of my best friends was hurt. She was hurt because of what someone said. This person was suppose to be a good friend, but as you will learn throughout life, sometimes those who we think are our friends, really aren't. Life can be so hard Liza, especially as a girl. There will be a time in your life when you are hurt... Many times... Just the thought of it makes my stomach turn, but just as Honey wrote in her letter to you, we must surround ourselves with kind people who love us.
So today January 4, 2014, I'm not a nervous wreck like I was 2 years ago. I'm not emotional. I'm not staring at you every minute making sure you're breathing. Instead I 'm praying every single day that I raise you to be kind. I pray that you see this in me. I pray that one day when you are hurt, I will be able to comfort you. I love you more than I ever knew I could love.
XOXO,
Mom
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
My prayer for Liza
Today I witnessed something that not everyone will experience in their life. This isn't that unusual since I do work in a school, but today was different. As I walked out into the hall I heard crying and turned to see one of our precious handicap students attempting to use her walker. I don't know much about this student, but I do know that she is in a wheel chair 90% of the time. As I stood and observed what was going on, I realized that she was attempting to make it down the hall using her walker only. This is very difficult for her bc she is very weak and becomes exhausted quickly. Her aide was on her knees, holding her hand, trying to motivate her to make it just a few more steps. By the time I reached her side, she had drawn quite the crowd, including her entire class, who had joined her in the hall. All 19 classmates were cheering and saying things like "You can do it!" and. "Look how far you've come!" The tears continued flowing , but she pushed herself right through that doorway and there she sank onto the floor. By this point I was crying my eyes out. The kids surrounded her and continued bragging on her. I walked over to her and said "You are so strong and I am so proud!" She looked up at me with the biggest grin and said "Thank you Mrs. Knox" and took my hand...
As I walked back to my classroom, my mind went to Liza. I thought of how she would've reacted to this situation. Of course she is only 2, but I feel like even at a young age she would've reacted in some way. My prayer is that Liza will be one of those cheering for her classmate. I pray that she will be the student that teachers can rely on to help others and always be kind. I pray that she will embrace differences. I pray that she will love others because of what is on the inside.... Most of all, I pray that she will learn from others who aren't just like her...they have so much to offer.
XOXO,
Liza's Mom
As I walked back to my classroom, my mind went to Liza. I thought of how she would've reacted to this situation. Of course she is only 2, but I feel like even at a young age she would've reacted in some way. My prayer is that Liza will be one of those cheering for her classmate. I pray that she will be the student that teachers can rely on to help others and always be kind. I pray that she will embrace differences. I pray that she will love others because of what is on the inside.... Most of all, I pray that she will learn from others who aren't just like her...they have so much to offer.
XOXO,
Liza's Mom
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Slooooooow Down...
In just 6 weeks Liza will turn 2. I've never been one to freak about age, turning 1 didn't really seem to bother me at all. As a matter of fact I prefer a 1 year old over an infant any day, but it has hit me all of a sudden that her second full year of life is almost coming to an end. I'm not sad that she is growing up, because I absolutely love this age. I love the talking, the personality, the conversations we are able to have, and the comprehension she has. What make me sad is that it has flown by.
If you know me, or Tyler, you know that we are both fast paced people. We don't do anything slow. We get stuff done, and we don't waste time doing it. If its time to clean the house, we are on it and done in no time. Liza of course is us times 2. She is absolute non stop, unless she sleeping. She doesn't walk, she runs...everywhere! If something bores her, she is onto something else before you can blink. With all of this being said I've realized we have got to slow down and take all this in. This wont be easy for me bc slowing down is hard for me. I have several friends who are so laid back and go with the flow, I wish I could be more like them.
This morning while we were getting ready for Sunday school, and I was trying to get dressed and gather up Liza's clothes at the same time she wasn't exactly cooperating. She wanted to sit on my stool and "put makeup on." I picked her up and attempted getting her dressed all while she went completely limp. At this point of course I was sweating and about to lose it. I told her to straighten up if she wanted to go to church and play with kids. She grabbed me around the neck and said "swooooow down mom...hold me" that did it. I sat down on the floor in the closet and just held her. She squeezed my neck for a solid minute I bet, which is VERY long for Liza. Then she was fine. Perfectly fine. And got dressed with no problem. I looked at Tyler and said "she is exactly right, we've got to slow down." What would it have hurt for me to let her sit and pretend to put makeup on for a minute, but instead I thought I was in a hurry.
So my goal is to try and slow down, because before I know it Liza will be grown. No matter how organized and on schedule I think things need to be, I just need to slow down. The same thing goes for my kids at school. If you're a teacher you know how those little stories always go. They always need to tell you a story right in the middle of something. I always try and stop what I'm doing to listen, because lord knows some of my babies don't have anyone else listening to them.
So in the words of my "almost 2 year old" just slow down...and hold me!
XOXO,
Liza's mom
If you know me, or Tyler, you know that we are both fast paced people. We don't do anything slow. We get stuff done, and we don't waste time doing it. If its time to clean the house, we are on it and done in no time. Liza of course is us times 2. She is absolute non stop, unless she sleeping. She doesn't walk, she runs...everywhere! If something bores her, she is onto something else before you can blink. With all of this being said I've realized we have got to slow down and take all this in. This wont be easy for me bc slowing down is hard for me. I have several friends who are so laid back and go with the flow, I wish I could be more like them.
This morning while we were getting ready for Sunday school, and I was trying to get dressed and gather up Liza's clothes at the same time she wasn't exactly cooperating. She wanted to sit on my stool and "put makeup on." I picked her up and attempted getting her dressed all while she went completely limp. At this point of course I was sweating and about to lose it. I told her to straighten up if she wanted to go to church and play with kids. She grabbed me around the neck and said "swooooow down mom...hold me" that did it. I sat down on the floor in the closet and just held her. She squeezed my neck for a solid minute I bet, which is VERY long for Liza. Then she was fine. Perfectly fine. And got dressed with no problem. I looked at Tyler and said "she is exactly right, we've got to slow down." What would it have hurt for me to let her sit and pretend to put makeup on for a minute, but instead I thought I was in a hurry.
So my goal is to try and slow down, because before I know it Liza will be grown. No matter how organized and on schedule I think things need to be, I just need to slow down. The same thing goes for my kids at school. If you're a teacher you know how those little stories always go. They always need to tell you a story right in the middle of something. I always try and stop what I'm doing to listen, because lord knows some of my babies don't have anyone else listening to them.
So in the words of my "almost 2 year old" just slow down...and hold me!
XOXO,
Liza's mom
Sunday, August 4, 2013
My job(s)
Two weeks from tomorrow school starts and so my days at home with my sweet girl are put on pause until Christmas. Somehow she will turn 2 then and I will cry big crocodile tears. Of course I'm going to miss her like crazy, mostly our mornings in the bed. I've said this before and I'll say it again I think working makes me a better mommy in some ways. I seem to have more patience and our time together becomes precious.
Our summer has been wonderful. Every day wasn't a party, but every single day I learned something from her. Whether its patience...or learning to take a deep breath and hold her sweet little hand while SHE walks down the stairs (even though we are 10 minutes late leaving the house.)
Her days with Sharon will begin again in two weeks and that's part of what makes it easier too. She loves being at Sharon's house. She loves the chickens outside, the good home cooked lunches, and most of all those two sweet people who without a doubt love her like their own. Liza has continued going to Sharon's every Wednesday this summer, and she's always ready to jump out of her seat when we pull up. Sharon is truly a blessing to us.
I also miss my school family. I've been there 8 years and they are so much more than coworkers. I miss the kids and our conversations. I always look forward to new fresh groups of kids. The kids become mine after just a few weeks. After all I spend more time with them than their mommies.
It wasn't until I held Liza for the first time that I really realized how much trust those parents put in me. Of course I'm suppose to prepare their babies for that lovely test we have to take in the spring, and of course I must prepare them for the 5th grade, but its sooooo much more than that. I remember going back to work when Liza was 4 months old and walking into that room with a completely different outlook. I want those parents to feel as sure as I do when I drop Liza off at Sharon's. Sharon's not only feeding/changing/playing with Liza, she's loving her and hugging her and helping her grow into a sweet little girl...who shares and loves others unconditionally.
So not only am I teaching/assessing/disciplining my kids... I'm responsible for teaching them to be kind...and confident...and fair (Being a 10 year old girl isn't easy :)
I read a wonderful blog last week about "teacher moms" it was right on. Although many would like to think we live inside a Pinterest house and our lives are all organized and together... That is SO wrong. The combination isn't an easy one. It's tough some days. Like the post said "some days we resent those classroom kids bc we spend more time with them than our own babies... and more than once I've been guilty of changing dates on lesson plans bc I'm too tired to write new ones...and sometimes kids who remind us of our own babies become our favorites...and somedays we are out of patience when we get home to our own babies"
All of that is so true, but its doable. It's more than doable. It's what I was meant to do on this earth. I believe that with everything I have. Be a mommy and a teacher. After all it goes hand in hand.
XOXO
Liza's mom
Our summer has been wonderful. Every day wasn't a party, but every single day I learned something from her. Whether its patience...or learning to take a deep breath and hold her sweet little hand while SHE walks down the stairs (even though we are 10 minutes late leaving the house.)
Her days with Sharon will begin again in two weeks and that's part of what makes it easier too. She loves being at Sharon's house. She loves the chickens outside, the good home cooked lunches, and most of all those two sweet people who without a doubt love her like their own. Liza has continued going to Sharon's every Wednesday this summer, and she's always ready to jump out of her seat when we pull up. Sharon is truly a blessing to us.
I also miss my school family. I've been there 8 years and they are so much more than coworkers. I miss the kids and our conversations. I always look forward to new fresh groups of kids. The kids become mine after just a few weeks. After all I spend more time with them than their mommies.
It wasn't until I held Liza for the first time that I really realized how much trust those parents put in me. Of course I'm suppose to prepare their babies for that lovely test we have to take in the spring, and of course I must prepare them for the 5th grade, but its sooooo much more than that. I remember going back to work when Liza was 4 months old and walking into that room with a completely different outlook. I want those parents to feel as sure as I do when I drop Liza off at Sharon's. Sharon's not only feeding/changing/playing with Liza, she's loving her and hugging her and helping her grow into a sweet little girl...who shares and loves others unconditionally.
So not only am I teaching/assessing/disciplining my kids... I'm responsible for teaching them to be kind...and confident...and fair (Being a 10 year old girl isn't easy :)
I read a wonderful blog last week about "teacher moms" it was right on. Although many would like to think we live inside a Pinterest house and our lives are all organized and together... That is SO wrong. The combination isn't an easy one. It's tough some days. Like the post said "some days we resent those classroom kids bc we spend more time with them than our own babies... and more than once I've been guilty of changing dates on lesson plans bc I'm too tired to write new ones...and sometimes kids who remind us of our own babies become our favorites...and somedays we are out of patience when we get home to our own babies"
All of that is so true, but its doable. It's more than doable. It's what I was meant to do on this earth. I believe that with everything I have. Be a mommy and a teacher. After all it goes hand in hand.
XOXO
Liza's mom
Monday, July 1, 2013
July Challenge
So today is July !st and I swear yesterday was May 24th and we were getting out of school. Time flies when you're having fun, right?! Somehow June is over and I'm not sure how. So, I've decided to try something. Starting today I am going to "attempt" to do something new with Liza everyday. Not a big something, but just something she hasn't done before. I have a few ideas... and some are as simple as collecting rocks...others involve glue. (which makes me sweat)
We started today with finger painting. Not a big deal at all, right? Ummm, wrong...huge deal! She loved it, but I was sweating the whole time. Even though in the back of my mind I knew it was washable. When she started slapping her hands together and screaming... I began to panic. It was flying everywhere! Somehow I managed to let her finish and she absolutley LOVED it! Mostly she just did her own thing, but I did attempt to get one 4th of July project out of it. In the end there was paint everywhere, but it all came off easily. While she was slinging paint, I was trying to snap a few pictures. She got up out of her chair and walked over to me and kissed me right on the mouth. In the process she got paint all over me, but who cares at that point!
After we got it all cleaned up and I was putting her down for a nap I had this thought. We should do something like this every single day this month. I don't mean paint, but something she hasn't done yet. My summer will be over before I know it and I dont want to look back and think "what did we do all summer"... I'm not one to pretend we live in fantasy world over here. Just yesterday we had to leave a restaurant because she was flipping out and attempting to knock over anything in sight! So yeah, its not all roses. Our days are just like everyone elses. Some are great, and some days I want to get in my car and run away...far away. One thing I don't want to do is regret not spending enough "quality time" with her. It is so easy to get wrapped up in our own lives and 2 days have gone by and you realize the most you've done for your child is changed their diaper or fed them. It's easy to turn Dora on for long periods at a time. Believe me...I am guilty! I have 31 days ahead of me to fix this. Of course I will still turn on Dora, and of course I will still hand her the ipad while I'm cooking supper, but I will also try and do something interactive with her every day. This may come really easy to some, but if I'm being completely honest with myself it's not always easy for me. So here we go... I may need Xanax by August 1st, but Liza hopefully will remember our summers at home together (even when I act like a crazy person and lose my patience)
We started today with finger painting. Not a big deal at all, right? Ummm, wrong...huge deal! She loved it, but I was sweating the whole time. Even though in the back of my mind I knew it was washable. When she started slapping her hands together and screaming... I began to panic. It was flying everywhere! Somehow I managed to let her finish and she absolutley LOVED it! Mostly she just did her own thing, but I did attempt to get one 4th of July project out of it. In the end there was paint everywhere, but it all came off easily. While she was slinging paint, I was trying to snap a few pictures. She got up out of her chair and walked over to me and kissed me right on the mouth. In the process she got paint all over me, but who cares at that point!
After we got it all cleaned up and I was putting her down for a nap I had this thought. We should do something like this every single day this month. I don't mean paint, but something she hasn't done yet. My summer will be over before I know it and I dont want to look back and think "what did we do all summer"... I'm not one to pretend we live in fantasy world over here. Just yesterday we had to leave a restaurant because she was flipping out and attempting to knock over anything in sight! So yeah, its not all roses. Our days are just like everyone elses. Some are great, and some days I want to get in my car and run away...far away. One thing I don't want to do is regret not spending enough "quality time" with her. It is so easy to get wrapped up in our own lives and 2 days have gone by and you realize the most you've done for your child is changed their diaper or fed them. It's easy to turn Dora on for long periods at a time. Believe me...I am guilty! I have 31 days ahead of me to fix this. Of course I will still turn on Dora, and of course I will still hand her the ipad while I'm cooking supper, but I will also try and do something interactive with her every day. This may come really easy to some, but if I'm being completely honest with myself it's not always easy for me. So here we go... I may need Xanax by August 1st, but Liza hopefully will remember our summers at home together (even when I act like a crazy person and lose my patience)
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Summer Summer Summertime Day 1
Well our summer has officially begun. I've always loved having the summers off, but I know this one will be the best so far. Liza loves being outside, so I'm glad Grandmother's pool is nearby! It's not even June and I'm already burning up! Our days are busy busy and very fast pace. Liza turned 17 months old today and is by far the most energetic child I've ever known. I want to record what our days are like right now, so that I can see how much she changes throughout the summer.
She is such a sweet girl and I can't wait to spend the summer at home with her. Summers will always be cherished aroud here!
XOXO Liza's mom
Our schedule-
Wake around 7:30-8:00
Breakfast around 8:30
Lunch 11:00
Nap 12:30
Snack 3:00
Dinner 6:00
Bath 6:45
Bedtime 7:30
Our words-
Mommy
Dada
Pop Pop
Papaw
Woof (in the place of dog)
Kitty
Chicken
Duck
Shoe
Choo choo
Ice
Swus (slush)
Pat (Pratt)
Hot
Bye (with a wave)
Favorite Foods-
Pickles
Green Beans
Yogurt
Grapes
Blueberries
Bananas
Donut Holes
Spaghetti
Play time-
Bubbles
Coloring
Tea Parties in the play house
Reading (We are hung on Splat the Cat right now)
Swinging
Eating popsicles while being pulled in the wagon
She is such a sweet girl and I can't wait to spend the summer at home with her. Summers will always be cherished aroud here!
XOXO Liza's mom
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Fear not...
The last week has been a difficult one. I have felt just about every emotion. We lost a dear friend last week and just today we talked about how it still just seems unreal. How can he really be gone... If I close my eyes and think of him, I see him in heaven, with that same sweet grin on his face. This sounds so silly, but in times like these I long to be in heaven. Of course, I have so much to live for here, but there are times when I wish we could all just go. The heartache here on earth just seems so cruel somedays. I often remind myself that our life here is so incredibly short compared to heaven. For so many years I couldn't wrap my mind around that, but it seems more and more real the older I get.
Then, the incident in Boston just adds to the emotions. Something happens when you have a child. Something deep down inside of me was raging as I was watching the news. I commented that I wanted to run away with all my loved ones and build a compound and escape all of this. As I watched the news and saw pictures of the victims I wanted to go get Liza and hold her in my arms. I didn't want to go to work. I wanted to stay right here in my "safe place" with everyone I love. As I left for work on Friday morning I turned to walk down the stairs and couldn't help but notice the sun shining through the clouds. I sat down right there on the stairs and began talking to God. I think the first thing out of my mouth was "Why... why is this happening...why do I feel this way...why are you letting all of these horrible things happen to innocent people...what are we suppose to do?" I have never really heard God speak directly to me...Sure, I have felt like God was trying to tell me things in my life, but never speaking directly to me...At this moment I did... The sun got brighter and brighter and shone directly through the window at the top of the stairs... As clear as day I felt God say "Stand up Spencer...I am here, dont you see me...I am in control" Instantly I had this feeling wash over me...I started thinking about all my kids at school, I'm not sure why but I did. I picked my bags up and headed down the stairs. The entire way to work I thought about this and wondered if I had imagined it or if it was real...
This morning in church our preacher began his sermon talking about the events that have occured this week. He went on to say that in times like this we often want to "take our loved ones and run away and build a compound" I knew the minute he said it, he was referring to my post on fb. He ended his sermon with this " So I say to that mother- Instead of wanting to run away in fear, just come on back and fear not, for I am with you" WOW..Ok ok I get it God, I get it...I heard you Friday morning, but now you are speaking directly to me through the preacher... I hear you.
So with all this being said, no matter how scary things may look and how heartbroken we may feel, God is with us... for this I am forever grateful.
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
Here are a few pictures from our weekend...most of it was spent outside;)
Then, the incident in Boston just adds to the emotions. Something happens when you have a child. Something deep down inside of me was raging as I was watching the news. I commented that I wanted to run away with all my loved ones and build a compound and escape all of this. As I watched the news and saw pictures of the victims I wanted to go get Liza and hold her in my arms. I didn't want to go to work. I wanted to stay right here in my "safe place" with everyone I love. As I left for work on Friday morning I turned to walk down the stairs and couldn't help but notice the sun shining through the clouds. I sat down right there on the stairs and began talking to God. I think the first thing out of my mouth was "Why... why is this happening...why do I feel this way...why are you letting all of these horrible things happen to innocent people...what are we suppose to do?" I have never really heard God speak directly to me...Sure, I have felt like God was trying to tell me things in my life, but never speaking directly to me...At this moment I did... The sun got brighter and brighter and shone directly through the window at the top of the stairs... As clear as day I felt God say "Stand up Spencer...I am here, dont you see me...I am in control" Instantly I had this feeling wash over me...I started thinking about all my kids at school, I'm not sure why but I did. I picked my bags up and headed down the stairs. The entire way to work I thought about this and wondered if I had imagined it or if it was real...
This morning in church our preacher began his sermon talking about the events that have occured this week. He went on to say that in times like this we often want to "take our loved ones and run away and build a compound" I knew the minute he said it, he was referring to my post on fb. He ended his sermon with this " So I say to that mother- Instead of wanting to run away in fear, just come on back and fear not, for I am with you" WOW..Ok ok I get it God, I get it...I heard you Friday morning, but now you are speaking directly to me through the preacher... I hear you.
So with all this being said, no matter how scary things may look and how heartbroken we may feel, God is with us... for this I am forever grateful.
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
Here are a few pictures from our weekend...most of it was spent outside;)
Liza showing me all her "boo boos" she is one rough girl!
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Spring break and blueberries
Where do I start? One of the many perks to my job is having spring break and summer break. I knew this would be very important when I had kids. My mom was always home with Hannah and I during these times, and I plan to do the same. We had no big plans for our week except that we knew we were going to see the boys in Benton toward the end of the week. We hung out at home part of the week and saw Daddy off on Thursday morning and then we headed to Benton. Cookie was there with the boys and from the minute we walked in the house the 3 of them played non stop. Liza loves Pratt and Max so much. I love watching the 3 of them together. On Friday, Cookie and I lost our minds and took the kids to Chuck-E-Cheese. It was fun, but attempting to chase them in 3 different directions was tough. They were exhausted when we left! We went to the lake on Friday and then headed home Saturday. Up until that point it was pretty much smooth sailing for mom.
All of that changed when Liza spewed blueberries all over my kitchen. I wish someone had been there to video us. She was looking at me like "What the heck just happened to me, and where is my paci?" I was looking at her... and the walls... and the ceiling... and the floor in complete shock. I know my mouth was wide open. I seriously was walking in circles holding a baby covered in vomit. I grabbed my phone and called my mother in law who was here in less than 5 minutes. When she walked in I still had this look on my face and I kept saying "Oh my goodness...What am I going to do...Oh my goodness... Poor baby!" She saved the day by coming over to help. She continued throwing up for an hour and then fell asleep. I was able to slip zofran in her mouth and 2 hours later she woke up much better. Still really pitiful, but no more throw up. It was so hard, but I kept trying to remind myself that people deal with things that are much much more serious and this would be ok. Late last night I began to feel sick too, but lets just say this I got the "easier" version of the bug.
With all this being said, I have never been so excited to see Tyler. We missed him big big big time. It's just not the same around here without him. This morning while Liza and I were playing in the playroom I realized this place is just a house without everyone here. Its really not our home until we are all here together. I now know I can do it alone (if I have to) even with vomit all over me...but I sure do prefer doing it with Tyler. On another note, Tyler won 1st place at mud nationals! WOO HOO!
Tomorrow is Monday and I will go back to work. I know I will miss Liza, but I also know that it will be somewhat of a break for me. I also know that she will have a wonderful day with Sharon. So I learned a few things this week..#1 if there is a chance you could possibly have the stomach virus do not eat blueberries #2 We wouldn't survive without daddy #3 Having a job makes me a better mom.
XOXO
Liza's mom
All of that changed when Liza spewed blueberries all over my kitchen. I wish someone had been there to video us. She was looking at me like "What the heck just happened to me, and where is my paci?" I was looking at her... and the walls... and the ceiling... and the floor in complete shock. I know my mouth was wide open. I seriously was walking in circles holding a baby covered in vomit. I grabbed my phone and called my mother in law who was here in less than 5 minutes. When she walked in I still had this look on my face and I kept saying "Oh my goodness...What am I going to do...Oh my goodness... Poor baby!" She saved the day by coming over to help. She continued throwing up for an hour and then fell asleep. I was able to slip zofran in her mouth and 2 hours later she woke up much better. Still really pitiful, but no more throw up. It was so hard, but I kept trying to remind myself that people deal with things that are much much more serious and this would be ok. Late last night I began to feel sick too, but lets just say this I got the "easier" version of the bug.
With all this being said, I have never been so excited to see Tyler. We missed him big big big time. It's just not the same around here without him. This morning while Liza and I were playing in the playroom I realized this place is just a house without everyone here. Its really not our home until we are all here together. I now know I can do it alone (if I have to) even with vomit all over me...but I sure do prefer doing it with Tyler. On another note, Tyler won 1st place at mud nationals! WOO HOO!
Tomorrow is Monday and I will go back to work. I know I will miss Liza, but I also know that it will be somewhat of a break for me. I also know that she will have a wonderful day with Sharon. So I learned a few things this week..#1 if there is a chance you could possibly have the stomach virus do not eat blueberries #2 We wouldn't survive without daddy #3 Having a job makes me a better mom.
XOXO
Liza's mom
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Step back
I have sat down several times in the last few days to blog, but I couldn't seem to get the right words out. In the last week or so my eyes have been opned to so much. I say this all the time, but I think it's so true- since I've become a mother I look at so many things in life from a different perspective. I love things that I didn't pay attention to before, I don't have patience for some things, but more than anything I seem to think before speaking (or at least I try to) For so many reasons, #1 Liza can hear everything I say. She may not understand it all, but one day very soon she will. #2 I am more and more aware of other peoples feelings. I wish I could teach this to my 4th graders. Heck, I wish I would've been more aware of this myself... I'm not referring to saying things out loud in front of others that hurt their feelings, I'm talking about before we speak,take into consideration everyone else's "story."
Every single time I post a picture on instagram or a post on fb I think about anyone it may effect. I have friends who have dealt with losses and sicknesses. I have a best friend who is fighting cancer at this very minute. My life is so easy right now and I could blink and it could all come falling down, I'm fully aware of this...more aware than ever. When I post pictures of Liza, I think about mothers who have lost their children or never were able to have children of their own. When I post pictures of Tyler and Liza, I think about friends who have lost their husbands. I can't stand reading complaints on fb about things that just don't matter. Or worse than that is bragging. I.can't.take.it. I have to force myself to not look, because I know I will say something I shouldn't say.
I just think we all need to take a step back and examine our lives. Be completely honest with ourselves. Be honest with others. Take the time to listen to someone else's story and their life. Just a few weeks ago I had the pleasure of doing this. I was at parent teacher conferences and I had a father completely open up to me. It was just the two of us in my classroom, and he talked about his childhood and his struggles in school. He went on to tell me that all he really wanted was to raise respectful kids. He talked about how he does everything in his power to make their lives easier than his. It was like time completely stopped. I sat across the table from this man who had "working man" hand and his name on his shirt and realized that in the last 10 minutes I had learned more from him than he could've ever learned from me. I wish I could've recorded our conversation and played it for everyone. At that moment I realized I want Liza to grow up around people like this man. I want her to see how although we are all so different, we all have so much to offer.
With all this being said I am so thankful for everyone in my life right now. Every single person. You all teach me more than you will ever know, about myself and about the person I am want to be.
XOXO
Liza's mom
Every single time I post a picture on instagram or a post on fb I think about anyone it may effect. I have friends who have dealt with losses and sicknesses. I have a best friend who is fighting cancer at this very minute. My life is so easy right now and I could blink and it could all come falling down, I'm fully aware of this...more aware than ever. When I post pictures of Liza, I think about mothers who have lost their children or never were able to have children of their own. When I post pictures of Tyler and Liza, I think about friends who have lost their husbands. I can't stand reading complaints on fb about things that just don't matter. Or worse than that is bragging. I.can't.take.it. I have to force myself to not look, because I know I will say something I shouldn't say.
I just think we all need to take a step back and examine our lives. Be completely honest with ourselves. Be honest with others. Take the time to listen to someone else's story and their life. Just a few weeks ago I had the pleasure of doing this. I was at parent teacher conferences and I had a father completely open up to me. It was just the two of us in my classroom, and he talked about his childhood and his struggles in school. He went on to tell me that all he really wanted was to raise respectful kids. He talked about how he does everything in his power to make their lives easier than his. It was like time completely stopped. I sat across the table from this man who had "working man" hand and his name on his shirt and realized that in the last 10 minutes I had learned more from him than he could've ever learned from me. I wish I could've recorded our conversation and played it for everyone. At that moment I realized I want Liza to grow up around people like this man. I want her to see how although we are all so different, we all have so much to offer.
With all this being said I am so thankful for everyone in my life right now. Every single person. You all teach me more than you will ever know, about myself and about the person I am want to be.
XOXO
Liza's mom
Sunday, February 17, 2013
sunday funday
days like today make all those hard days disappear. we didn't do a lot, but what we did do was perfect. it was just the three of us, all day long. we went to the dog show this morning, and liza loved it. i knew she would. she "woofed" at all the dogs and made friends with a sweet golden retriever named lucy. by the time we left i was convinced she needed an inside dog. then i remebered all the dog hair and quickly changed my mind.
after the dog show, we went to eat lunch. liza made a new friend. she loves old people. she gets that from me. i could sit and talk to old people forever. this sweet little lady in andy's came right over and visited with us during our lunch. they played peek a boo and she told liza all about her great grandchildren.
our afternoon was spent outside. the weather was perfect. axle and addi came out for a while, until addi took off, and then she had to go back in dad's shop. axle is so gentle with liza. he follows her all over, and gets as close as he can get without knocking her over. she loves him more than anything. i bet she gave him 10 kisses, and then took off running. he has no idea he is enormous, but he does know that he must be gentle with her.
i wish i could record days like today. record our conversation. record tyler telling liza that she is the most perfect little girl in the whole wide world. record liza's giggles. i know there will be days very soon when i will miss this so much. if i could hit pause, i would. life has never been so sweet.
here are a few pics from the dog show...and our afternoon.
xoxo
liza's mom
after the dog show, we went to eat lunch. liza made a new friend. she loves old people. she gets that from me. i could sit and talk to old people forever. this sweet little lady in andy's came right over and visited with us during our lunch. they played peek a boo and she told liza all about her great grandchildren.
our afternoon was spent outside. the weather was perfect. axle and addi came out for a while, until addi took off, and then she had to go back in dad's shop. axle is so gentle with liza. he follows her all over, and gets as close as he can get without knocking her over. she loves him more than anything. i bet she gave him 10 kisses, and then took off running. he has no idea he is enormous, but he does know that he must be gentle with her.
i wish i could record days like today. record our conversation. record tyler telling liza that she is the most perfect little girl in the whole wide world. record liza's giggles. i know there will be days very soon when i will miss this so much. if i could hit pause, i would. life has never been so sweet.
here are a few pics from the dog show...and our afternoon.
xoxo
liza's mom
Friday, February 1, 2013
hugs and kisses
Last night before Liza's bedtime, after getting her all lotioned up and dressed, she was laying on her back on my bed. This never ever happens, because she pretty much never stops moving unless she is sleeping. I was standing beside the bed by her feet. I bent down to kiss her and she put those sweet, chubby arms around my neck and squeezed me so tight. I completely melted. All of a sudden I realized she is isn't a baby. There she lay underneath me, I squeezed her back just as hard and with that she opened her mouth and "kissed" me right on the lips. Unless you have a child, this feeling is foreign to you. Words can't really explain it. It's a love that I've never ever felt. Different from every other love. I wanted to scoop her up and never let her go.
Tonight as I was rocking her, it happened again. This time she had my hand. In the pitch dark we rocked back and forth and for a solid minute she kissed my hand. Then held it as tight as she could until she fell asleep. When I laid her down in bed I literally had to pry her sweet little fingers off of mine. Times like this all I can do is thank God for giving her to me. I can't believe I've had her for 13 months. I need moments like these to keep me going. Some days are so tough, and I often reach that breaking point when I don't think I can continue. Then she squeezes my neck and I fall to my knees.
As bad as I miss having a tiny baby, the days just keep getting sweeter.
Happy Friday
XOXO, Liza's Mom
Friday, January 18, 2013
Precious Moments
Fast pace doesn't even begin to describe our life right now. Not because of jobs or busy schedules, but because we have the busiest/fastest/most energetic child on the face of the earth. I think when I say this to people, they blow it off and think "oh yeah you have a toddler!" Thats the not the case. She goes non stop from the time her feet hit the floor to the time she closes her eyes. I think this is why she sleeps so well. She sleeps a good 11-12 hours every night and takes 2 good naps during the day. We joked when she started crawling, that when she began walking, it would be a run. Well, we were right. She takes off and is GONE. She inherited mine and Tyler's energy and just can't stop.
She babbles all.the.time. Non stop. She's not really talking yet. She says dada and dog and cat. She loves giving kisses. She opens her mouth as wide as she can get it and lays it on you. She has started hugging so tight, which is the best! She is nosey nosey. Loves pulling everything out of drawers/purses/bags. When she wakes in the morning or after a nap she picks up the teddy bear in her bed and kisses all over it. If you pick her up before she does this, she's mad. She is very very strong willed. Who in the heck does she get that from? If she has something and we take it away, she lets us know that is not what she wanted us to do. It amazes me that she is as smart as she is. Not that I didn't expect it, but it blows my mind that she understands so much. She knows so many words and exactly what they mean. Tonight she took my phone. I told her to go get her phone. She turned right around, walked over to her little car and got her phone. It's crazy that she is that big.
Every stage seems to get a little better. She is so loving now. She buries her head in my legs when she wants to be picked up...Lays her head on my shoulder and kisses my face...Runs to me when I get home from work...Squeezes my neck right before I lay her down at night...It's better than I ever imagined.
My goal for the new year was to have more patience. I feel like so far I have been successful. I'm not saying I haven't lost my patience at all, but I think I've done better. Tyler is so much better at this than I am. He is so calm, and even if he's about to pop, no one knows it. Me on the otherhand- everyone knows it.
So often at night when I'm rocking her or even after I have put her to bed I stay in her room and do a lot of thinking. I think about how far I've come in a year. I think about how I love her so much it hurts. I think about how lucky and thankful I am to be her mother, but more than anything I think about how scary this job is. This is a life, that I'm in charge of. There is so much I want to do. There are so many things I want to teach her. It is without a doubt overwhelming.
I look around at school at all of my 9 and 10 year ols and think about all the wonderful traits that they have. Their parents worked hard for that. They have turned into wonderful children with so much to offer. My prayer is that someday one of Liza's teachers will say the same. One of the most important traits is kindness. I will do everything in my power to teach her this. To teach her that we are all equal, but in order for her to truly understand this, she has to see it in me.
I've said this before, my life has so much more meaning with Liza. She makes me want to better in so many ways. I never knew I could love anyone so much.
XOXO
Liza's mom
She babbles all.the.time. Non stop. She's not really talking yet. She says dada and dog and cat. She loves giving kisses. She opens her mouth as wide as she can get it and lays it on you. She has started hugging so tight, which is the best! She is nosey nosey. Loves pulling everything out of drawers/purses/bags. When she wakes in the morning or after a nap she picks up the teddy bear in her bed and kisses all over it. If you pick her up before she does this, she's mad. She is very very strong willed. Who in the heck does she get that from? If she has something and we take it away, she lets us know that is not what she wanted us to do. It amazes me that she is as smart as she is. Not that I didn't expect it, but it blows my mind that she understands so much. She knows so many words and exactly what they mean. Tonight she took my phone. I told her to go get her phone. She turned right around, walked over to her little car and got her phone. It's crazy that she is that big.
Every stage seems to get a little better. She is so loving now. She buries her head in my legs when she wants to be picked up...Lays her head on my shoulder and kisses my face...Runs to me when I get home from work...Squeezes my neck right before I lay her down at night...It's better than I ever imagined.
My goal for the new year was to have more patience. I feel like so far I have been successful. I'm not saying I haven't lost my patience at all, but I think I've done better. Tyler is so much better at this than I am. He is so calm, and even if he's about to pop, no one knows it. Me on the otherhand- everyone knows it.
So often at night when I'm rocking her or even after I have put her to bed I stay in her room and do a lot of thinking. I think about how far I've come in a year. I think about how I love her so much it hurts. I think about how lucky and thankful I am to be her mother, but more than anything I think about how scary this job is. This is a life, that I'm in charge of. There is so much I want to do. There are so many things I want to teach her. It is without a doubt overwhelming.
I look around at school at all of my 9 and 10 year ols and think about all the wonderful traits that they have. Their parents worked hard for that. They have turned into wonderful children with so much to offer. My prayer is that someday one of Liza's teachers will say the same. One of the most important traits is kindness. I will do everything in my power to teach her this. To teach her that we are all equal, but in order for her to truly understand this, she has to see it in me.
I've said this before, my life has so much more meaning with Liza. She makes me want to better in so many ways. I never knew I could love anyone so much.
XOXO
Liza's mom
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Santa, Parties, and NYE
Somehow the holidays are over. Christmas seems like one big blur, mainly because we've all been sick in the Knox house. It started with me the day before Christmas. Head/throat/fever stuff. Then I passed it onto poor Liza. She started running fever the day after Christmas and was sick until the day after her birthday :( She was so pitiful. When she has fever she is just so different from her normal self. From Tuesday until Friday she just laid on me. I debated on cancelling her party and rescheduling, but thankfully her fever broke on Friday and Saturday morning she was a little better. She definetly wasn't herself, but a huge improvement. So on Friday afternoon, I called our cupcake girl and told her the party was on. By this point Tyler was sick. He went to bed around 6:30 Friday night and I was in a mad dash to finish all of the last minute party things. I have spent monthS planning this party and in the middle of all this caos it was going to happen! At 1 in the morning I finally went to bed. Woke up at 6 and we had a party at 11. It really was perfect. (minus sick daddy) She got so many wonderful books. Some were passed down from family members. Some people picked out their favorite book as a child. Some had sweet notes written inside of them. Pop Pop even bought one of those recordable books. (which makes me cry) Hannah (Honey) made Liza her own "box" to keep all her letters in. In the Pratt house that was very important. I still have my box and still to this day I love to pull it out and read old letters. So in the end Christmas was kind of a blur with the snow and sickness, but the birthday party was great. We had a friend come take pictures, and I can't wait to get them all back!
For New Years Eve, Liza stayed with Cookie, Pop Pop, and Pratt. She and Pratt had so much fun. We went to El Dorado to eat dinner with some friends. Friends that we made in 2012. One of them being my doctor who delivered Liza. She and I clicked from the beginning and have become close friends. Tyler and her husband are so much alike its scary. My precious friend Corrie was there too, and her wonderful husband. Corrie and I also met this year and I feel like she's been my best friend for years. It was special to get to spend New Years with her. She is the strongest person I know and is fighting the hardest battle I have ever witnessed, but she's winning. She is so inspiring and makes me want to be a better person. 2013 is going to be her year, I just know it. 2012 sure wasn't easy for her, but she has fought every single step of the way.
Since it is a new year I have been doing a lot of thinking about what I want for this year and I've tried to narrow it down. I want to have more patience, with Liza, Tyler, my school kids, just everyone. I also want to slow down. (if you know me well this is very hard) The first year of Liza's life flew by and I regret not slowing down and taking more in. I let small day to day things get in the way. I have to stop. Before I know it she will be starting school and I will wonder where our time went. My mom brought me a box of my old things that she found and when I opned the box I found a book that my parents gave me when I was 12. Inside my dad wrote a note and in that note he said "You have blessed our lives more than you will ever know and until you have a child of your own you will never know the love we have for you." I fell apart reading this because he is so right. I knew they loved me, but until I had Liza I couldn't imagine the love they feel for Hannah and I. A year ago today I was learning how to take care of a new baby. I was so scared and anxious. I did a lot of crying and praying, and we made it. We made it a year with a healthy, happy baby girl. We made mistakes here and there, but we succeeded. "We" being the key word. I couldn't have done it alone. Tyler is more than I could've ever asked for. He knows just when to step in or when to walk away. Our days haven't always been easy. Looking back the first 2 years of our marraige was so easy, but like he said last Friday night "our life has so much more meaning now." My friend Corrie said something one day that will stick me forever. We were discussing how children change everything and she said "When I had my first baby I told myself, I will always support my husband in any decision he makes when it comes to my children, because after all I chose him to be their father. I could've chosen anyone, but he's the one I chose, so therefore I will always support him" What a HUGE statement, but so so so true. See, isnt' she wonderful...Yep.
Here are a few pics from the holidays. As soon as I get the birthday pictures back I will post them. Happy New Year my friends. Let's be patient and take the time to enjoy the ones we love.
XOXO...
Birthday morning...sweet baby
P and Liza hanging at the party
So much I could say about this picture
Preview of the party
For New Years Eve, Liza stayed with Cookie, Pop Pop, and Pratt. She and Pratt had so much fun. We went to El Dorado to eat dinner with some friends. Friends that we made in 2012. One of them being my doctor who delivered Liza. She and I clicked from the beginning and have become close friends. Tyler and her husband are so much alike its scary. My precious friend Corrie was there too, and her wonderful husband. Corrie and I also met this year and I feel like she's been my best friend for years. It was special to get to spend New Years with her. She is the strongest person I know and is fighting the hardest battle I have ever witnessed, but she's winning. She is so inspiring and makes me want to be a better person. 2013 is going to be her year, I just know it. 2012 sure wasn't easy for her, but she has fought every single step of the way.
Since it is a new year I have been doing a lot of thinking about what I want for this year and I've tried to narrow it down. I want to have more patience, with Liza, Tyler, my school kids, just everyone. I also want to slow down. (if you know me well this is very hard) The first year of Liza's life flew by and I regret not slowing down and taking more in. I let small day to day things get in the way. I have to stop. Before I know it she will be starting school and I will wonder where our time went. My mom brought me a box of my old things that she found and when I opned the box I found a book that my parents gave me when I was 12. Inside my dad wrote a note and in that note he said "You have blessed our lives more than you will ever know and until you have a child of your own you will never know the love we have for you." I fell apart reading this because he is so right. I knew they loved me, but until I had Liza I couldn't imagine the love they feel for Hannah and I. A year ago today I was learning how to take care of a new baby. I was so scared and anxious. I did a lot of crying and praying, and we made it. We made it a year with a healthy, happy baby girl. We made mistakes here and there, but we succeeded. "We" being the key word. I couldn't have done it alone. Tyler is more than I could've ever asked for. He knows just when to step in or when to walk away. Our days haven't always been easy. Looking back the first 2 years of our marraige was so easy, but like he said last Friday night "our life has so much more meaning now." My friend Corrie said something one day that will stick me forever. We were discussing how children change everything and she said "When I had my first baby I told myself, I will always support my husband in any decision he makes when it comes to my children, because after all I chose him to be their father. I could've chosen anyone, but he's the one I chose, so therefore I will always support him" What a HUGE statement, but so so so true. See, isnt' she wonderful...Yep.
Here are a few pics from the holidays. As soon as I get the birthday pictures back I will post them. Happy New Year my friends. Let's be patient and take the time to enjoy the ones we love.
XOXO...
Christmas night at Cookie's
She loves her chase me kitty
P loves his new car... Max- not so sure
Opening gifts at Grandmothers
Birthday morning...sweet baby
P and Liza hanging at the party
So much I could say about this picture
Preview of the party
Our sweet birthday girl...Happy Birthday Liza Kate
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
10 days
In just 10 days my baby girl will be a year old. I always heard people say "I wish time would stop", but I never truly understood it until now. Right now. I haven't slowed down enough to really let it sink in, but tonight it hit me. 10 days. 10 days people. How in the world is this possible. The only thing appropriate to do at a time like this was look at pictures of her birth. So thats what I did. Mistake. Huge mistake. I want to go back to that day so bad, but then again no the heck I dont. It was truly the best day of my life, labor and all. I say all the time I would do it over 500 times, it was the most exciting day. But, it was scary too. We were clueless. I can see it all over our faces. (Tyler and I) It is so so nice to be able to say that we finally have it all together. As we flipped through the pictures Tyler said "I think next time we will be ok, we've got this down now" Did you hear that? He said "next time" HOLY COW...I knew the day would come, but didn't know it would come this soon. He wouldn't utter those words 1 month ago.
The last year has just flown by. I look at her all the time and wonder how it happened so fast. She isn't a baby anymore. She's a very very busy toddler. By busy I don't just mean she walks around. She runs. She is non stop unless she is sleeping. I think this is why she sleeps so good. Her newest trick is holding up one finger. We say "How old is Liza" and she holds up one finger, but her favorite part is the clapping afterwards and her famous "YAY" She loves dancing and swaying back and forth. She blows kisses, except her version of this is only the kiss part, she forgets to blow it. She loves for you to sing and she sings along. At night after her baths we use the hair dryer and she sings the whole time. She is just so much fun. I don't remember our life before her. It has so much more meaning now.
In 10 days we will celebrate her first birthday. Not only will I be celebrating her birthday, I will also celebrate the fact that we made it. Thanks to so many. We made it an entire year without "really" messing up. I think I just may get 3 candles. One for Liza, Tyler, and me.
XOXO,
Liza's mom
The last year has just flown by. I look at her all the time and wonder how it happened so fast. She isn't a baby anymore. She's a very very busy toddler. By busy I don't just mean she walks around. She runs. She is non stop unless she is sleeping. I think this is why she sleeps so good. Her newest trick is holding up one finger. We say "How old is Liza" and she holds up one finger, but her favorite part is the clapping afterwards and her famous "YAY" She loves dancing and swaying back and forth. She blows kisses, except her version of this is only the kiss part, she forgets to blow it. She loves for you to sing and she sings along. At night after her baths we use the hair dryer and she sings the whole time. She is just so much fun. I don't remember our life before her. It has so much more meaning now.
In 10 days we will celebrate her first birthday. Not only will I be celebrating her birthday, I will also celebrate the fact that we made it. Thanks to so many. We made it an entire year without "really" messing up. I think I just may get 3 candles. One for Liza, Tyler, and me.
XOXO,
Liza's mom
That was then...This is now
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Sleep training
Ok so a friend ask me a few weeks back to post about sleep training. First and foremost let me say I do not know everything about sleeping or a baby. I've only been doing this for a year. Also, my child wasn't hard at all to sleep train, so that makes it easier on me. I must give all credit to my sister, she is the one who told me what to do and how to do it. I did read Baby Wise, but after about 4 chapters I was over it. I wasn't willing to read an entire book that repeated itself over and over and over. The overall goal was- you put your child on your schedule. You decide when they sleep and eat. I can remember being 9 months pregnant and pulling the book back out bc I didn't feel "ready" ,but still the second time it was the same thing. So I closed the book and listened to my sister. She did this twice and I trusted her and every single piece of advice she gave me.
So here it goes... First of all you must have a miracle blanket. Not just any swaddle, it must be a miracle blanket. From day one I swaddled her. At first I only swaddled at night time. In hopes that she would figure out day vs. night. She slept all the time at first, no set nap time just lots of sleep, but at night time usually around 10 (at first) I swaddled her and put her down. Our first real routine was 10-2-6. When she woke up at two I never unswaddled her. (unless she was dirty) I fed her with the lights off and put her back down. I really think when I would unswaddle her she would wake up. The lights are a biggie too. Leave them off unless you want to get up! Then at six, I would unswaddle her, feed her and change her diaper. Gradually her naps became real naps, not just sleeping all day long. At this point I started swaddling her for naps too. She would take a morning nap, a short lunch nap, and then afternoon. I remember being worried that this was too much, but it wasn't. Eventually she quit the lunch time nap and developed 2 big naps. One at 8:30 and one at 1:30 we still to this day take these naps... same time every single day.
Back to night sleep- I started realizing by the time she was one month old that she was getting really fussy around 6 pm, so we assumed she was tired...Bingo we.were.right! So that night we gave her a bath at six, fed her, swaddled her and put her to bed. Crazy huh... I was a nervous wreck. I just knew I was screwing everything up bc the 10-2-6 thing wasn't bad. What in the heck was I doing? Crazy or not she slept til two just like always and woke at six. Shutup... I was pumped. I remember telling Tyler now all we need is that two o'clock feeding to stop and we have won this training game!
I am a big believer in rice cereal. Not just a little A LOT! The best way I can explain it is "runny applesauce" I started putting cereal in the 6:30 bottle and within a few weeks she quit waking up at two. So at this point I was thrilled. We hadn't even had to do the crying it out thing yet.
Seventeen weeks after she was born, I went back to work and was so glad we were on this fabulous schedule. Then all of a sudden one night she started waking up at 2:30 I can remember laying in bed and saying to Tyler "I know she isn't hungry", bc after all she had been sleeping all night. The first night I went in to check on her. I walked in her room (no lights) picked her up (without saying a word) and checked her diaper. She was wet, but nothing out of the normal. I changed her, laid her back down and without uttering a word walked out. The screaming did begin but didn't last too long. I know the no talking thing sounds mean, but she had to understand that it was night time, and at night time we sleep. Its dark and we don't talk or play. It only took a few night of this and she quickly figured out there was no point to scream her head off. This only happened a few nights and then it just stopped. Of course, we still will have nights when she doesn't feel good that things don't go so smoothly, but 95% of the time she sleeps soundly all night long.
So at this point she was swaddled from 6:30 pm to 6 am and sleeping great. The next battle was 6/7 months when she was too big for the miracle blanket. I was FREAKING out! How in the world was I going to do this? I just knew she would wake herself up with those hands. I decided to start with taking just her arms out during naps only. We gradually got rid of the swaddle and she rolled over on her belly and slept just fine. Some nights she falls asleep taking a bottle, other nights she is awake when I lay her down and she puts herself to sleep. Just tonight she talked for about 30 minutes before crashing, but never cried.
Today we are still on this schedule and she will be a year old in a few weeks. I am fine if she stays on this schedule for another year. Heck, I'd be fine is she were on this schedule for 10 more years. It works. Is it always easy on us? Nope, not at all. We have no life after 6 pm unless we have a babysitter. We eat dinner early and we don't sleep past 6 am most days, but I have a happy happy baby that knows exactly what to expect. She knows she will wake at 6...nap from 8:30- 9:30/10..then nap again from 1:30-2:30/3... then take a bath around 6:30 and go to bed by 7. Schedules are good for us. Even my students do better on schedules. Kids like to know what to expect.
Like I said earlier this blog was not at all intended to sound like I know everything about sleep training, because I DON'T! But maybe, just maybe it will help someone. It sure works well for us.
Have a great week!
XOXO Liza's mom
So here it goes... First of all you must have a miracle blanket. Not just any swaddle, it must be a miracle blanket. From day one I swaddled her. At first I only swaddled at night time. In hopes that she would figure out day vs. night. She slept all the time at first, no set nap time just lots of sleep, but at night time usually around 10 (at first) I swaddled her and put her down. Our first real routine was 10-2-6. When she woke up at two I never unswaddled her. (unless she was dirty) I fed her with the lights off and put her back down. I really think when I would unswaddle her she would wake up. The lights are a biggie too. Leave them off unless you want to get up! Then at six, I would unswaddle her, feed her and change her diaper. Gradually her naps became real naps, not just sleeping all day long. At this point I started swaddling her for naps too. She would take a morning nap, a short lunch nap, and then afternoon. I remember being worried that this was too much, but it wasn't. Eventually she quit the lunch time nap and developed 2 big naps. One at 8:30 and one at 1:30 we still to this day take these naps... same time every single day.
Back to night sleep- I started realizing by the time she was one month old that she was getting really fussy around 6 pm, so we assumed she was tired...Bingo we.were.right! So that night we gave her a bath at six, fed her, swaddled her and put her to bed. Crazy huh... I was a nervous wreck. I just knew I was screwing everything up bc the 10-2-6 thing wasn't bad. What in the heck was I doing? Crazy or not she slept til two just like always and woke at six. Shutup... I was pumped. I remember telling Tyler now all we need is that two o'clock feeding to stop and we have won this training game!
I am a big believer in rice cereal. Not just a little A LOT! The best way I can explain it is "runny applesauce" I started putting cereal in the 6:30 bottle and within a few weeks she quit waking up at two. So at this point I was thrilled. We hadn't even had to do the crying it out thing yet.
Seventeen weeks after she was born, I went back to work and was so glad we were on this fabulous schedule. Then all of a sudden one night she started waking up at 2:30 I can remember laying in bed and saying to Tyler "I know she isn't hungry", bc after all she had been sleeping all night. The first night I went in to check on her. I walked in her room (no lights) picked her up (without saying a word) and checked her diaper. She was wet, but nothing out of the normal. I changed her, laid her back down and without uttering a word walked out. The screaming did begin but didn't last too long. I know the no talking thing sounds mean, but she had to understand that it was night time, and at night time we sleep. Its dark and we don't talk or play. It only took a few night of this and she quickly figured out there was no point to scream her head off. This only happened a few nights and then it just stopped. Of course, we still will have nights when she doesn't feel good that things don't go so smoothly, but 95% of the time she sleeps soundly all night long.
So at this point she was swaddled from 6:30 pm to 6 am and sleeping great. The next battle was 6/7 months when she was too big for the miracle blanket. I was FREAKING out! How in the world was I going to do this? I just knew she would wake herself up with those hands. I decided to start with taking just her arms out during naps only. We gradually got rid of the swaddle and she rolled over on her belly and slept just fine. Some nights she falls asleep taking a bottle, other nights she is awake when I lay her down and she puts herself to sleep. Just tonight she talked for about 30 minutes before crashing, but never cried.
Today we are still on this schedule and she will be a year old in a few weeks. I am fine if she stays on this schedule for another year. Heck, I'd be fine is she were on this schedule for 10 more years. It works. Is it always easy on us? Nope, not at all. We have no life after 6 pm unless we have a babysitter. We eat dinner early and we don't sleep past 6 am most days, but I have a happy happy baby that knows exactly what to expect. She knows she will wake at 6...nap from 8:30- 9:30/10..then nap again from 1:30-2:30/3... then take a bath around 6:30 and go to bed by 7. Schedules are good for us. Even my students do better on schedules. Kids like to know what to expect.
Like I said earlier this blog was not at all intended to sound like I know everything about sleep training, because I DON'T! But maybe, just maybe it will help someone. It sure works well for us.
Have a great week!
XOXO Liza's mom
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Another year
Somehow I turned 30 today. When I say I feel like I was 16 I am dead serious. I can remember just like it was last night when my dad pulled up in my brand new black honda with the biggest red bow on the top. How has that been 14 years ago? Where did the time go? How am I thirty years old and a mother?
I will say this, the last year of my life has been the very best so far. That sounds crazy since about 3 months of that year I was CRAZY...yep, I said it, completely out of mind. Walking around this house in yoga pants and sweatshirts and crying 15 out the 24 hours in a day. I'm gonna say that was from January to March. Then, it was like one day I just snapped out of it. I still won't say it was post partum, but it was a terrible case of the baby blues. Like I said though within time I was ok. Still though, even including those dark dark months, the past year has been the best.
Liza gets a lot of credit for making it so good. Anyone who is a mother understands how you are changed the minute your baby is welcomed into this world. I wouldn't have considered myself a selfish person at all prior to Liza, but I can say now that I don't have an ounce of selfishness left. I just don't matter anymore, and I'm 150% ok with that (crazy huh) I have lived for the moment, not worrying about what's to come. I have realized how strong I really am, but at the same time how much I need Tyler, and my family, and my best friends. I have prayed more in the last year than in my life. Prayed for Liza, her daddy, myself...constantly.
But I have to stop and say thank you...thank you to every single person who has been involved in my life this last year, because I swear without every one of you, I'm not sure I would've made it. Tonight as I rocked Liza and sniffed her hair I began to cry, not because I'm sad, but because thats how much I love her, so much it hurts. And because a whole year is almost gone. Tomorrow she will be 11 months old and I can't believe it. I want to go back and start over. I want to do it all again, even the hard days. Even the days when I texted Hannah and said " I can't do this!" I want those days back.
With all that being said the number 30 doesn't bother me one single bit. Some days I feel 21 and other days 45. I can't wait to see what this year holds. Again, thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who helped make the last year so good... I love you all.
XOXO-
Liza's mom
Blowing out the candle with mom
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Busy Girls
We have had a busy busy day and it's only 1:30. We played all morning...cleaned bathroom, and then napped... after just 30 minutes she woke up...instead of getting her up for good, we rocked... towel in my hair and all...for 30 more minutes she slept on me, and I loved every single minute of it.
Then we went and had lunch with Daddy... Liza got her first bite of chocolate chip pizza and LOVED it... Her eye brows shot up as if "where in the heck has this been my whole life?" We ran a few errands and then came home and walked everywhere... She is more confident with every step and when she falls she says "YAY!!!!"
I took a few pics so that I could document our first big day of walking all over. It's like she knew we would be home together today. She saved it all for me.
Our days together are so special...so so special.
XOXO- Liza's mom
Then we went and had lunch with Daddy... Liza got her first bite of chocolate chip pizza and LOVED it... Her eye brows shot up as if "where in the heck has this been my whole life?" We ran a few errands and then came home and walked everywhere... She is more confident with every step and when she falls she says "YAY!!!!"
I took a few pics so that I could document our first big day of walking all over. It's like she knew we would be home together today. She saved it all for me.
Our days together are so special...so so special.
XOXO- Liza's mom
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
An Improvement...
Our evenings are not the easiest/most pleasant time around here, but hopefully (fingers crossed) it's getting better! Since Liza was a month old, she has always been cranky around 6pm...that's when we decided...fine, we will just go to bed...yep, that early...and still to this day we bathe her at 6:30 and she is in bed by 7. I tell myself that she's just tired...she takes 2 naps a day, but requires A LOT of sleep.
But, just maybe,she is getting better. Each day seems a little more tolerable. Today was a good day. We played...I cooked supper while she played with magnetic letters on the fridge...she played in her balls...she looked at The Wheels on the Bus 50 times...and played Peak-A-Boo-Barn for 20 minutes...and then we all sat down and ate supper. (without crying)
Days like today make me consider having another baby... not any time soon, but the thought crosses my mind... Don't tell Tyler, he will move to the guest room ;)
Happy Wednesday
XOXO, Liza's mom
Her teeth don't have a chance, she uses them to open things. Her uncle would die!
She points at everything...all day, every day!
This face is a bit scary...I wish I knew what she were thinking...or maybe I don't want to know ;)
But, just maybe,she is getting better. Each day seems a little more tolerable. Today was a good day. We played...I cooked supper while she played with magnetic letters on the fridge...she played in her balls...she looked at The Wheels on the Bus 50 times...and played Peak-A-Boo-Barn for 20 minutes...and then we all sat down and ate supper. (without crying)
Days like today make me consider having another baby... not any time soon, but the thought crosses my mind... Don't tell Tyler, he will move to the guest room ;)
Happy Wednesday
XOXO, Liza's mom
Her teeth don't have a chance, she uses them to open things. Her uncle would die!
Reading The Wheels on the Bus... her favorite...notice the pop ups are all missing!
She points at everything...all day, every day!
This face is a bit scary...I wish I knew what she were thinking...or maybe I don't want to know ;)
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