Mrs.Knox

I've sat down to blog on this subject 3 times and every time Ive started I stop...I have a lot of mixed feelings about this and I'm going to put it all out there...like it or not ;)

The last day time I was called Mrs.Knox was on December 21st and 7 days later my title changed to mommy...not only did my name change, but my entire life did a 180. Not only did I gain a daughter, everything about me changed a little...I think about things in a different way and in so many ways I look at life differently. Being a teacher has always been important to me and I have loved each and every child that I've taught...but in just 2 short days I will return as Mrs.Knox again, but in so many ways I will be a changed person...I think I will be a better teacher and more compassionate person...I will think of Liza all day long and think about how I want her teachers to treat her one day...the thought of sending her off with someone I don't know makes my stomach hurt deep down and makes my palms sweat...I've never ever thought about this before...and not one day will go by that I don't think of this now...

I knew in may when I found out I was pregnant that I would take 12 weeks off...These were going to be the first 12 weeks of my. Holds life and I wasn't missing a single day...of course there was a part of me that couldn't help but think of the time I would lose with my kiddos at school...but I knew every parent would understand and do the exact same if given the opportunity...when I left the school on December 21 a part of my heart hurts bc I knew I would miss them so so much...and I have but I have loved my time at home with Liza and I consider myself very lucky...I have been with her for 103 days and will cherish these days for the rest of my life...

I can remember like it was yesterday playing "house" in the playroom at my mom and dads house...I was the mommy and I had a daughter...in my 4 year old mind I stayed at home with her and did things like make cookies and dress her up...but in the real world things are so different...my days consist of crying,spitting up, pooping, washing bottles, feeding....the list goes on...and I wouldn't have missed 103 days of this for the world even when I was sitting in Liza's room crying with her bc Im exhausted beyond words...with all this being said I go back to being Mrs.Knox on Monday... I am looking forward to it in so many ways...I miss my routine when I work...in some ways I truly believe I may be a better mother...I think I will have more patience with Liza in some ways...I miss my coworkers too... I only go back for 5 1/2 weeks and then will be home for summer...I honestly believe that being a stay at home mom is the hardest job on earth...I'm not sure I could do it forever...I miss adult interaction...the minute Tyler gets home I talk his head off;)... Summer breaks will be perfect for us though bc I can't imagine the thought of going back to work "forever"... I have a huge break to look forward to.

So, I'm going back...And as excited as I am of course I have a knot in my stomach...not bc I'm worried about her being cared for properly or bc I'm worried she will be sad...I'm only worried about missing her, and if I didn't miss her something would be wrong...she will be with her 2 grandmothers who love her more than life and that makes my heart happy...I'm lucky in so many ways...I can't imagine dropping her off at a daycare where I don't know a soul...I would die...and although I will miss out on a few hours during the day I keep reminding myself...it's not the amount of time I spend with her, but how our time is spent...

On Monday morning please say a prayer for me...and for Liza and her sweet grandmothers who will be keeping her...pray that I have strength to walk in my classroom and take on the role of Mrs.Knox...and to all my parents just know that I promise to love your baby just as I would want Liza loved...

Happy Easter-
Liza's Mom

My Challenge...

On February 8 I woke up, and 6 weeks was up. I had been looking forward to this day for quite sometime...I knew all along that I was going to try my hardest to lose my pregnancy weight, but wasn't sure how...

When I found out I was pregnant I was big into running... I had just completed my first half marathon, which was HUGE for me bc before the training for it I had never run a mile in my life.  Before I began running I was very active,  I completed 90 days of p90x and was in the middle of insanity when I began running.  I never finished insanity and that always bothered me.  Before p90x I wasn't into exercising.  Throughout highschool I cheered, and that kept me in shape.  Then came college and I did NOTHING.  I gained way more than freshman 15.  I wasn't happy with myself at all, but to be honest a lot was going in those years...besides weight.

I started dating Tyler in June of 2008.  He is very active and rubbed off on me.  I ordered p90x knowing NOTHING about it and dove right in.  My results were more than I ever expected.  So with all that being said I've worked hard to be in shape.  I am in no way someone who can eat what they want and stay thin while doing nothing. 

When I found out I was pregnant I knew I wanted to stay in the gym.  I went up until 1 week before I had Liza.  At times it was hard, but I knew in the end it would help me.  I gained most of my weight in my hips and thighs and knew it wouldn't fall off on its own. 

Fast forward to February 8th.  At first I was determined to pick up with p90x.  I knew it would work.  It had before and it would again.  I realized quickly that I was bored with it and needed something new.  I heard about Brazillian Butt Lift and did a little research- sold... All I needed were a few reviews saying it worked ;)  I started BBL and loved it, but in the back of my mind I kept thinking about Insanity.  There is no doubt BBL is effective, but I needed to sweat and be exhausted when I finished, and I wasn't. A few days later I watched a video of a girl who completed insanity.  She told her story and showed her before and after pics.  I haven't stopped thinking about it since I watched it.  Then I woke up and the infomercial was on tv...Thats it! I had to do it... So I've made my mind up... I started Insanity and I will not stop until May 19th.  Not bc I want a nice body for summer, not bc I want to wear a bikini, but bc I want to feel good again. I want to have energy and be the best I can be.  So I took pictures, I did measurements and I started.  I know it wont be easy and there will be days I just want to go to bed or sleep late instead of work out, but Im doing this...if not for me for Liza.  I'm not trying to be super thin and a size 0...thats not me, but I am trying to be my healthiest...

I will update in 30 days, and again at the end of my challenge...Now that I have put it out there for the world to see, I can't be a quiter!

Happy Monday...Happy Spring
Liza's Mom

Honesty

A few months back I saw a sign on pinterest that said something to the effect of "if only your life were as good as it seems on fb"...oh how true this is...judging from 80% of the post I see daily most people I know have the perfect life... What.ev.er...

My eyes have been opened in the last three months...life is far from perfect...there are certainly parts of it that seem perfect like watching Liza sleep and dream and smile and make sweet sounds...but in reality it's not perfect...at all...Im going to be completely honest...it's hard, very hard, and if you say it's not hard at times...you are lying to yourself...I feel very lucky or should I say blessed to have a healthy baby girl and a husband by my side...not one day goes by that I don't think of single mothers or women who can't have children...my heart breaks for them...becoming a mother makes you look at life in an entirely new perspective...

The first month was very hard for me...I believe I was a tad bit depressed...I was very emotional and hard on myself...it was like one day I just woke up and felt like spencer again...life with Liza just became the norm...we developed a routine and got the hang of all this new stuff...but to say its all perfect wouldn't be the truth...just today I had a bit of a meltdown...Liza was fussy after church...nothing was making her happy...so we sat down in the rocking chair and both cried... Within minutes she was asleep and I laid down too..we both slept 3 hours...I realized when I woke that she wasn't the only one over-tired...mom was too...

So if you are a first time mom or expecting soon, just hear me out...you are completely normal for not feeling like your living in a fairy tale land all the time... I'm sure I will be talked about for being so honest..but it's the truth...Liza is 100% perfect but every day won't feel perfect...so cry your eyes out and take a 3 hour nap...it helps...

Happy Spring...
Liza's Mom

Survival Kit

Ok so we've survived 2 months or if we make it to Thursday we have ;) and these are the things that helped us survive...I have a lot of friends who are expecting and I thought this would be handy...a sort of survival list of what we have used for Liza Kate


First and foremost the nap nanny. For the first 3 weeks of LK's life she lived in this...It stayed on the foot of our bed and she slept in it all night...we have finally put it in her crib, and now she sleeps in the crib on her nap nanny...

Our swing and bouncy seat are wonderful. They are both snuggle bunny. She loves them.  They cradle her so much.Both of these are availabe at Target or Babys R Us.

We got a video monitor and it is fabulous. I watch her until I know she is asleep. I can't imagine ever putting her in another room without it.



I know there are so many bath tubs for babies and everyone has their opinion, but although we bought the fancy one from Babys R Us, this is the one we use and we LOVE it...you can find it on amazon...It is basically a big spongue that the baby lays on...perfect for an infant and its only 8 dollars..yep!

I still "try" to be somewhat organized so this item is one of my favorites...I think its called a baby caddy...it holds everything...I have diapers in one slot, wipes in one, and then desitin, baby powder, nose sucker, gripe water (which I will mention) gas drops, and paci's in  the other slot.  I got mine at a baby store in Eldorado, but I am sure they are easy to find.  I use this ALL THE TIME!



Since the baby bjorn isn't really for infants we used the moby wrap and I LOVE it...We use it all the time, even now that she can get in the bjorn she loves the wrap too..

I swear we would still be up all night if it weren't for the miracle blanket...At first I thought she dodn't like it...Then after getting NO sleep, I decided that didn't really matter...So we attempted it and she slept so much better...by 1 month old LK was sleeping from 10-5...I wrap her before bed and during nap time...It is a miracle!

Here is another life saver...The sound machine...The minute I turn it on...she freezes...She likes rain, but it has different sounds...I bought it at Wal Mart...Well worth 30 dollars...

Last but not least gripe water...It is fabulous... The minute LK gets hiccups I give her a few drops and they are gone...also just to dip her paci in...she may be addicted...gas drops are a must too, but I figure everyone knows that...

Hope this is useful in some way...Some way somehow my baby will be 2 months old on Thursday...breaks my heart...Happy Saturday...

Love,

Liza's mom

Perfection...

Somehow...someway...we made a perfect little girl...she is so much more than I ever could've imagined...I look at her so often and wonder how anything can be so perfect...Tyler is constantly looking at her and saying "babe, she's just beautiful" nothing in the world like it...things have changed so much in our house, but I truly can't imagine it any other way...here are a few pictures from the last week...she will be 2 months old next week...I cannot believe it...if I blink she will turn 1...

first of all she is her daddys twin...that is tyler on the left and liza on the right...i prayed she would look just like him ;)

                                      

her favorite time is right after she her bottle...she loves loves loves to eat...

She loves being in the babybjorn...and her daddy loves it too

Lately she is so happy...this is right after her LONG afternoon nap...

It blows my mind that this sweet little girl was inside of me just 2 months ago...this is the day before she arrived...whew...it makes me tired just looking at this...

happy early valentines day to all...

love, liza's mom

"Normal"

Exactly one month ago you could have ask me if I knew how much my life was going to change and I would have probably said oh yeah...but I'm here to tell you that was a lie... 1 months ago was December 22nd school was out and I was so ready to have Liza. I couldn't believe I made it through the end of school, but somehow I did. I can remember trying to make sure everything was in its place and organized before Christmas. I was worried about things like are all the presents wrapped and are all of Liza's clothes washed and put away. If only I knew then what I know now...

In just one month so much has changed. People say things like "your world is going to change", but you don't really pay attention to those comments. To be honest I hated those comments. As I sit here and type I wonder if all moms feel like I have or if I'm not " normal"... Tyler said it best this morning... "what is normal anyway...who really defines the word normal"...we do seem to be on a better schedule now, and I love schedules...but still we have a 1 month old so by saying we are on a schedule just means things are more in order than they were 3 weeks ago...

I have a new respect for single mothers bc I swear that without Tyler I may not be alive...he has been major help...in so many ways...my sister has been a life saver too...she seems to know exactly how i feel...I call her all the time to hear her say she's been there... we have good nights and bad nights...last night wasn't a good night...Liza is stopped up so she had trouble sleeping...poor thing has no clue she can breathe out of her mouth...this morning Tyler took her to the living room with him around 8... He shut the door and out they went...I fell apart for about 10 minutes and then dosed off...crying does make me feel better at times...this morning it was a tired cry I think...just lack of sleep...but not just that...at times I feel completely overwhelmed and I stop and remind myself that I can do this...and everything won't be perfect...and I have to be ok with that...so I fell asleep and woke up at 11:00 to a clean house...and a sleeping baby :)

Like I said a week or so ago I pray more than ever...out loud, silently...whatever works at the time...so in conclusion what does "normal" really mean...and who cares...I've made it a month with my precious little girl and our new family of three is adjusting day by day..I know I will look back on these tough days and think they weren't that big of a deal...I find myself constantly hearing my dad's famous line " take a deep breath spenc, and calm down"...it helps so much...

We are ready for a new week...with absolutely NOTHING planned ;)


With love, Liza's mom

Our first week as a family of 3...

Where do I start? Well it all started Wednesday December 28th around 5:30 am... I wasn't exactly sure what was going on, but I knew I was hurting...fast forward to 7:25 pm...and our sweet little girl was here...words can't describe how I felt...if your a mother, you know... The minute I saw her I was changed for good...forever...we came home the next night and for some crazy reason decided we could do it alone... Mom offered to stay, but we both said "no it's ok we'll be fine"... Which now I know wasn't exactly right...it was by far the scariest night of my life... New things are scary, and neither of us had a clue.. I prayed all night... Really...without stopping...when the sun came up I realized we made it... I felt so much better...for the next few days we were surrounded by our friends and family...which was wonderful...the biggest thing I have learned through this entire experience is that my parents are my rock...I have needed them more in the last week than ever...I also now know how much they love Hannah and I...and I finally get it...or I think I do...it's a lot to take in...my mother has always been my best friend, but I wouldn't have made it this week without her...
It's so true that you develop a love for your spouse that is so much stronger after a baby...instantly my love for Tyler multiplied by 100...I tell him every night that I couldn't do this without him... And I truly mean that...our 4th night home I decided to go to the living room to feed Liza in the middle of the night and stay in there instead of wake Tyler..I knew he was tired and he had to work the next day...that was one of the hardest nights...I later realized that it was bc I felt alone...as crazy as it sounds, he wasn't next to me and it made a difference...
We,ve been home with Liza for 10 nights now and every day things seem easier...I've prayed more in the past 10 days than I have in a long time...I've never loved someone so much...I could sit ans stare at her for hours...actually some days I do...I knew this would be a hard job...but I had no clue...becoming a mother has been the most rewarding yet scariest experiences of my life...I don't wanna mess up, and that's what makes it hard...I feel so so lucky to have her...my own little girl...who looks just like her daddy (which is just wonderful)...please continue praying for all 3 of us as we continue this wonderful journey...with love- Liza's mom