from the moment I found out I was pregnant I knew I would be a working mom...I wasn't sure how it would all pan out, or how easy/hard it would be, but I knew I would work... after being home with my newborn baby for a few weeks, I knew having a job and getting out of the house was going to be good for me...I became stir crazy very quickly...If you know me this isn't big news ;)after being home a month or so we established a schedule and it became much more doable...and I wasn't stir crazy anymore...3.5 months later I returned to work, and I would be lying if I said it was easy to go back...the sunday night before returning I literally cried all night... the thought of being away from liza made me sick...but I did it and I enjoyed it... I had days where I missed her so much, and days that I wanted nothing more than to be with her, but overall I had a great 6 weeks with my kiddos...
one night tyler and I were sitting on the couch talking and he said (and I quote) "if staying home with liza will make you happy thats what I want you to do" I wasn't sure what to say or think bc I never really knew this was going to happen...we talked about it over and over and of course you would think thats all I needed to hear, but things began to get confusing...I went to school the next day and felt like things were in slow motion...and then I came home and looked at my sweet baby girl and became even more torn...I talked to a few friends about my decision and got lots of good advise, that I appreciate SO much... but for weeks I just had a knot in my stomach...a constant stomach pain...was I going to come home and spend all my time with my baby girl, and see her grow, and learn new things, or was I going to continue to spend my days with 20 something 4th graders...Y'all, I was clueless, and I was frustrated that I didn't know what to do...so I handed it all over to someone who knows much more than I do...I prayed harder than I've prayed in a long time...over and over, all day, every day...a dear friend of mine sent me a text and said "be still and let him deliver", this stuck out in my mind...so thats what I did...I tried my hardest to listen...
what I do everyday is much more than just a job to me... I have put my all into being a teacher for the last 7 years...I love what I do and each year I feel as though I truly make a difference...not that I'm teacher of the year, but I love my kids, and they have molded me into the person I am...each year I learn something new...and each year I grow as a person bc of my job...there is a part of me that thinks I will be a better mom as a teacher...and vice versa...with all this being said, this is why it is hard to walk away...on the otherhand I feel like I owe liza all my time...and I feel like I'm not a good mother if I "choose" to go back...liza will be staying with a wonderful lady, who is actually a relative of tylers and she will learn SO much from her...she couldn't be in better hands...
so I prayed and I prayed that I would be comfortable with my final decision...I have never been good at determining an answer...I always second guess it...but this time my answer came to me so clear...and I feel so good about my decision... I have a peace now... I am going back to work in august...maybe for 10 more years or maybe just 1 more year, but either way that is what I feel I am suppose to do... I had several parents and kids say things to me about next year...It was like I woke up one morning and just knew... knew that I needed to return...for some reason...that reason is unknown now, but I feel good about it... I will spend all summer with my sweet girl, and in the fall she will get to spend her days with sharon, who loves her like her own... this was the first time in my life that I got a clear answer...I am not sure how people go throughout life without prayer...thank you to all my friends who gave advice...please continue to pray for me and my decision, and pray that I continue to feel at peace about this decision, and that I realize that this doesn't make me any less of a mother...I hope one day liza will understand all of this...I hope she will understand that she has me for life, but there are kiddos out there who don't have anyone and may need to borrow her mommy for a few months...
so in august i will return as mrs. knox and come home as mommy...and I feel good about it...
happy summer,
liza's mom
I know this was a difficult decision, but I'm pretty sure the right one. Spencer H and I were talking over the weekend about how we regret not staying with teaching, as it is the best profession a mother can have. You are very fortunate to have Sharon and nancy and I are here to help if needed. There will be some lucky kiddos next year who are thrilled with your decision. And Liza will thank you also.
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