As far as I can think back my sister has been my best friend. Sure there were times that we argued and I wanted so bad to ball up my fist and hit her, but hey I grew out of that.
It wasn't until I was in my twenties that I realized how much I needed her. It's not easy being a girl and we all have those days when we feel like we don't have a friend in the world, but I can honestly say I've never felt that. Not because I have so many friends, but because she's always been there. No matter what is going in my life, she always knows what to say. She always makes me feel like whatever it is I'm dealing with is completely normal. ( which I know isn't always the case)
Ever since she left home in 1997, we haven't lived in the same town. Most of our conversations are either on the phone or through text. Just this morning I text her and her response was right on... Exactly what I needed to hear. Throughout the first 3 months of Liza's life, she is the one who kept me afloat. I can remember calling her sobbing and not sure why, and she cried with me. She told me it was all normal, and it would all be ok.. And she was right. One day it was all ok. Liza is 2 now and things are just fine. I didn't break her, or mess up too bad ;)
Today we went and spent the day with she and the boys. We went to Build-a-Bear... Had lunch at Chick-Fil-A... Played at Barnes and Noble... And finished up at Kris and Sams. As Liza and I got in the car to leave, Liza wanted to hug and kiss everyone. We got to the bottom of the driveway and Liza said "Mom, I love Honey." It was the most sincere statement she's ever made. I looked at Liza and said "I love her too Liza, more than you'll ever know." It hit me right then... Where in the heck would I be without her. How would I have ever gotten over all those silly breakups? How would I have made it through those terrible baby blues? How would I have gone back to work after having Liza? She has supported me through it all. Even when she knew I wasn't making the right decision.
With all that being said, thank you sister. Thank you so much for being my best friend. I am so lucky to have you. I strive to be more like you every day. Although you have no idea, you are the strongest, kindest, most sincere person I know. I pray that Liza is half the big sister you have been to me, one day.
We love you Honey.
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Let it go...
As a Christian my biggest struggle and letting go of things and handing them over to God. I like to think that this is common with others. I wouldn't consider myself controlling at all ( Tyler might disagree:/) , but there is a part of me who likes things a certain way. Maybe that's why I became a teacher. I like for things to have order. I like routine and schedule. I like these things because then I know what to expect. The older I get the more I realize this isn't realistic. Sure, I can keep order in my classroom, and our home can run on a schedule and be organized. BUT I cannot control things that will happen. One of my closest friends is fighting cancer. I refuse to say she is sick with cancer, because by gosh she is a FIGHTER if I've ever seen one. I find myself praying for her and for other people in my life and in those prayers I tend to "ask" God for things. That's normal right?!?! Then I find myself discouraged because whatever it is I asked for didn't happen. It didn't happen soon enough for me.
This morning in church our preacher began his sermon with this "Prayer is one of those mysterious things in life. Think about it. We tend to ask for things. Prayer wasn't designed so that we could ask God for things. Instead prayer is our way of getting on the same page as God." HELLO Spencer... It hit me like a ton of bricks. The sermon was based on Romans 8:26-30. He went on to say " we as Christians must acknowledge our weaknesses and ask God for help. Ask him for help in understanding what is going on in our lives. In times when we are so desperate for words, when we are praying and can't even seem to form words, God already knows our thoughts. Romans 8:26 says " The Spirit helps us in our weaknesses. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." So like I've said so many times why do I worry? Why do I try to control it all? It is so comforting to know that no matter how bad it may seem and how speechless I may become, HE'S GOT THIS!!!
Verse 28 says "And we know tht in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Does this mean everything will be good, nope! BUT what it does mean is that the end result is good! God will reveal his good through whatever we may be going through. The preacher gave a wonderful comparison. We call it Good Friday. Is it really good? Not for Jesus it wasn't, but the end result was so much more than good. Verse 29 says " For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son..." In order for us to be an image of his Son it may be a painful process. We must suffer. He did and we will too, but not for long. He wrapped up his sermon by saying "When we find ourselves in prayer not knowing what to say,know that glory awaits us." HOW FREAKING AWESOME is that!!!! I needed this. I needed to hear every single word. None of this was new information, but I always need to be reminded that no matter how bad I want things to work my way... I am not in charge AND as hard/evil/sick this world may seem at times heaven awaits me! A heaven with no cancer!!!!!! And for this I am so thankful!
This morning in church our preacher began his sermon with this "Prayer is one of those mysterious things in life. Think about it. We tend to ask for things. Prayer wasn't designed so that we could ask God for things. Instead prayer is our way of getting on the same page as God." HELLO Spencer... It hit me like a ton of bricks. The sermon was based on Romans 8:26-30. He went on to say " we as Christians must acknowledge our weaknesses and ask God for help. Ask him for help in understanding what is going on in our lives. In times when we are so desperate for words, when we are praying and can't even seem to form words, God already knows our thoughts. Romans 8:26 says " The Spirit helps us in our weaknesses. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." So like I've said so many times why do I worry? Why do I try to control it all? It is so comforting to know that no matter how bad it may seem and how speechless I may become, HE'S GOT THIS!!!
Verse 28 says "And we know tht in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Does this mean everything will be good, nope! BUT what it does mean is that the end result is good! God will reveal his good through whatever we may be going through. The preacher gave a wonderful comparison. We call it Good Friday. Is it really good? Not for Jesus it wasn't, but the end result was so much more than good. Verse 29 says " For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son..." In order for us to be an image of his Son it may be a painful process. We must suffer. He did and we will too, but not for long. He wrapped up his sermon by saying "When we find ourselves in prayer not knowing what to say,know that glory awaits us." HOW FREAKING AWESOME is that!!!! I needed this. I needed to hear every single word. None of this was new information, but I always need to be reminded that no matter how bad I want things to work my way... I am not in charge AND as hard/evil/sick this world may seem at times heaven awaits me! A heaven with no cancer!!!!!! And for this I am so thankful!
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Looking back...
Dear Liza,
This morning I was looking at pictures on my Timehop app and thinking back to what our life was like 2 years ago. You were one week old and as my Facebook post said , I was a nervous wreck. When the sun went down my anxiety got really really bad. I wanted Cookie here with us the minute it got dark. I can remember sitting down on the couch attempting to eat a bowl of potato soup that some wonderful friends had brought over, and the minute it hit my mouth I knew I couldn't eat. I was a ball of nerves. At the time I wasn't sure why, but today looking back, I know exactly why. I can remember your sweet daddy saying "I won't eat if you can't" and "What's the matter babe, have you been crying?" and "What can I do to help". He was the best! He still is. We hit the jackpot on daddies!
I remember a time not long from this that I was rocking you in your room, and your Grandmother came over to get something. I had been rocking you and crying and crying for quite some time. A part of me was embarrassed, but another part of me wanted her to help. I'm not sure what she was suppose to do, but I wanted someone to take away all of the fears I had. I was so scared of messing up. So scared that I would do something wrong, and no matter how many people told me that this wasn't possible, I was terrified! I bet I called your Honey 50 times a day just to hear her voice and hear her say "I know exactly how you feel." This was what I needed, I needed to know that she had these same fears and that eventually they went away.(somewhat)
When you were about 8 days old I received a phone call from my doctor who delivered you. At the time we weren't close friends, but she made me feel so much better. I remember her saying "How do you feel? How is Liza? That is all normal!" One thing she said that I will never ever forget was "You are doing wonderful, and everything you are feeling is completely normal." She continued checking on us often, and today she is one of my best friends. Just the other night when you had your meltdown at Honey's house she sent me a text saying "This is no big deal, Liza's just flexing her muscles and being a two year old. I promise it's ok!"
Looking back I know everything I did was just fine, but at the time I was so unsure. Today you are 2 years old. You are full of life. You love to laugh and make us laugh all the time. Every day more of your personality comes out. Your manners are wonderful. You always say mam' (to men and women) and thank you and please. I still have fears and anxiety, but its not the same kind. I have grown so much more confident in myself and my ability to care for you.
Yesterday one of my best friends was hurt. She was hurt because of what someone said. This person was suppose to be a good friend, but as you will learn throughout life, sometimes those who we think are our friends, really aren't. Life can be so hard Liza, especially as a girl. There will be a time in your life when you are hurt... Many times... Just the thought of it makes my stomach turn, but just as Honey wrote in her letter to you, we must surround ourselves with kind people who love us.
So today January 4, 2014, I'm not a nervous wreck like I was 2 years ago. I'm not emotional. I'm not staring at you every minute making sure you're breathing. Instead I 'm praying every single day that I raise you to be kind. I pray that you see this in me. I pray that one day when you are hurt, I will be able to comfort you. I love you more than I ever knew I could love.
XOXO,
Mom
This morning I was looking at pictures on my Timehop app and thinking back to what our life was like 2 years ago. You were one week old and as my Facebook post said , I was a nervous wreck. When the sun went down my anxiety got really really bad. I wanted Cookie here with us the minute it got dark. I can remember sitting down on the couch attempting to eat a bowl of potato soup that some wonderful friends had brought over, and the minute it hit my mouth I knew I couldn't eat. I was a ball of nerves. At the time I wasn't sure why, but today looking back, I know exactly why. I can remember your sweet daddy saying "I won't eat if you can't" and "What's the matter babe, have you been crying?" and "What can I do to help". He was the best! He still is. We hit the jackpot on daddies!
I remember a time not long from this that I was rocking you in your room, and your Grandmother came over to get something. I had been rocking you and crying and crying for quite some time. A part of me was embarrassed, but another part of me wanted her to help. I'm not sure what she was suppose to do, but I wanted someone to take away all of the fears I had. I was so scared of messing up. So scared that I would do something wrong, and no matter how many people told me that this wasn't possible, I was terrified! I bet I called your Honey 50 times a day just to hear her voice and hear her say "I know exactly how you feel." This was what I needed, I needed to know that she had these same fears and that eventually they went away.(somewhat)
When you were about 8 days old I received a phone call from my doctor who delivered you. At the time we weren't close friends, but she made me feel so much better. I remember her saying "How do you feel? How is Liza? That is all normal!" One thing she said that I will never ever forget was "You are doing wonderful, and everything you are feeling is completely normal." She continued checking on us often, and today she is one of my best friends. Just the other night when you had your meltdown at Honey's house she sent me a text saying "This is no big deal, Liza's just flexing her muscles and being a two year old. I promise it's ok!"
Looking back I know everything I did was just fine, but at the time I was so unsure. Today you are 2 years old. You are full of life. You love to laugh and make us laugh all the time. Every day more of your personality comes out. Your manners are wonderful. You always say mam' (to men and women) and thank you and please. I still have fears and anxiety, but its not the same kind. I have grown so much more confident in myself and my ability to care for you.
Yesterday one of my best friends was hurt. She was hurt because of what someone said. This person was suppose to be a good friend, but as you will learn throughout life, sometimes those who we think are our friends, really aren't. Life can be so hard Liza, especially as a girl. There will be a time in your life when you are hurt... Many times... Just the thought of it makes my stomach turn, but just as Honey wrote in her letter to you, we must surround ourselves with kind people who love us.
So today January 4, 2014, I'm not a nervous wreck like I was 2 years ago. I'm not emotional. I'm not staring at you every minute making sure you're breathing. Instead I 'm praying every single day that I raise you to be kind. I pray that you see this in me. I pray that one day when you are hurt, I will be able to comfort you. I love you more than I ever knew I could love.
XOXO,
Mom
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