The Insanity Challenge... DONE

I did it!!! Finished 60 days of Insanity... Took my befroe and after pics and just sent in for my free t-shirt ;)
I am starting Asylum in 2 weeks and can't wait!
I lost a total of 17 lbs and went down 2 dress sizes...I may not be "ripped" but I feel much better... nothing like losing weight by sweating...to heck with all those diets...
Happy Memorial Day...



                                                                        before

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                                                                      before

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my decision



from the moment I found out I was pregnant I knew I would be a working mom...I wasn't sure how it would all pan out, or how easy/hard it would be, but I knew I would work... after being home with my newborn baby for a few weeks, I knew having a job and getting out of the house was going to be good for me...I became stir crazy very quickly...If you know me this isn't big news ;)

after being home a month or so we established a schedule and it became much more doable...and I wasn't stir crazy anymore...3.5 months later I returned to work, and I would be lying if I said it was easy to go back...the sunday night before returning I literally cried all night... the thought of being away from liza made me sick...but I did it and I enjoyed it... I had days where I missed her so much, and days that I wanted nothing more than to be with her, but overall I had a great 6 weeks with my kiddos...

one night tyler and I were sitting on the couch talking and he said  (and I quote) "if staying home with liza will make you happy thats what I want you to do" I wasn't sure what to say or think bc I never really knew this was going to happen...we talked about it over and over and of course you would think thats all I needed to hear, but things began to get confusing...I went to school the next day and felt like things were in slow motion...and then I came home and looked at my sweet baby girl and became even more torn...I talked to a few friends about my decision and got lots of good advise, that I appreciate SO much... but for weeks I just had a knot in my stomach...a constant stomach pain...was I going to come home and spend all my time with my baby girl, and see her grow, and learn new things, or was I going to continue to spend my days with 20 something 4th graders...Y'all, I was clueless, and I was frustrated that I didn't know what to do...so I handed it all over to someone who knows much more than I do...I prayed harder than I've prayed in a long time...over and over, all day, every day...a dear friend of mine sent me a text and said "be still and let him deliver", this stuck out in my mind...so thats what I did...I tried my hardest to listen...

what I do everyday is much more than just a job to me... I have put my all into being a teacher for the last 7 years...I love what I do and each year I feel as though I truly make a difference...not that I'm teacher of the year, but I love my kids, and they have molded me into the person I am...each year I learn something new...and each year I grow as a person bc of my job...there is a part of me that thinks I will be a better mom as a teacher...and vice versa...with all this being said, this is why it is hard to walk away...on the otherhand I feel like I owe liza all my time...and I feel like I'm not a good mother if I "choose" to go back...liza will be staying with a wonderful lady, who is actually a relative of tylers and she will learn SO much from her...she couldn't be in better hands...

so I prayed and I prayed that I would be comfortable with my final decision...I have never been good at determining an answer...I always second guess it...but this time my answer came to me so clear...and I feel so good about my decision... I have a peace now... I am going back to work in august...maybe for 10 more years or maybe just 1 more year, but either way that is what I feel I am suppose to do... I had several parents and kids say things to me about next year...It was like I woke up one morning and just knew... knew that I needed to return...for some reason...that reason is unknown now, but I feel good about it... I will spend all summer with my sweet girl, and in the fall she will get to spend her days with sharon, who loves her like her own... this was the first time in my life that I got a clear answer...I am not sure how people go throughout life without prayer...thank you to all my friends who gave advice...please continue to pray for me and my decision, and pray that I continue to feel at peace about this decision, and  that I realize that this doesn't make me any less of a mother...I hope one day liza will understand all of this...I hope she will understand that she has me for life, but there are kiddos out there who don't have anyone and may need to borrow her mommy for a few months...

so in august i will return as mrs. knox and come home as mommy...and I feel good about it...

happy summer,
 liza's mom

lonely on the inside

When you think of the word lonely you think of someone who is alone...today is one of those days where I realize that's not necessarily what lonely means...you can be surrounded by people all day, but still have a void that isn't filled and feel somewhat alone... Thank goodness I have less than a week left of school bc this week was extremely hard for me...I miss Liza more than anything...yes, knowing she is in good hands helps, and knowing that she is with someone who loves her helps, but it doesn't help me with missing her...she goes to bed by 7:30, so that leaves me 3 hours give or take with her Monday-Friday...I soak up every single minute with her, but it's not enough...as crazy as it sounds I worry she won't know me like I want her to, and I worry I won't make the impact on her like I want to... I will never argue with the fact that stay at home moms have the hardest job...they do, but it's hard in a good way...I I need more time in my days...more time with Liza, more time doing things around the house, more time with Tyler...the list goes on...as I sit here and type I feel so alone...I know there are millions of mothers who can relate...your days are so routine...work, home, play, bath, bedtime, pick up, crash...start over...i just want to hit the pause button...as mothers day approaches us I can't help but ask myself am I doing a good job or am I too busy trying to manage our lives...it's the hardest job I've ever had and I want more than anything to succeed... Summer can't come soon enough...Happy mother's day to all the moms...especially mine...I pray I will be half the mom you are to me... With love, Liza's mom

Liza and Sophie

Somehow my baby girl is 4 months old...I swear she was born yesterday...Things are busy busy around here.  We are constantly on the go. Liza is not a fan of being still (where in the world does she get that) so we move around A LOT... She hangs out in the bjorn, we go on walks in the stroller, or we just bounce...big time bouncing...and don't think you can trick her and sit down while she's in the bjorn...NOPE... she is not having that... She met her new BFF a few days ago and fell in love...Sophie the giraffe is the bomb...Liza loves her to pieces, but at the same time wants to eat her head off... I'm cool with that though, if it helps those gums...chew away honey... Tonight she played in her new walker, but never let go of Sophie...

Tyler picked up Subway, and we thought we could squeeze in  dinner before bathing Liza...I had to take a picture bc this is what "dinner time" looks like these days...on the floor, while we bounce Liza around... I'm not sure why we have furniture...notice on the floor- subway sandwiches, drinks, burp cloths, gripe water, toys, the laptop, cell phones...the list goes on :)

Happy Hump Day-
Liza's Mom

Now I lay me down to sleep...

It's hard to say what my favorite time with Liza is, but it's a close call between morning and night...she is so so happy and smiley in the mornings and talks non stop...but there is just something about bedtime that I love...we are very very routine...we live life by a schedule...I'm a huge fan of schedules...I think that children benefit from schedules and routine...they know what to expect and it helps them become grounded...so we start between 6:30 and 7pm...start with a bath...this is her daddy's job...mom watches and talks to her, but Tyler loves this time...then we take our "big" bottle and start to wind down... After her bottle I swaddle her,and she's out...once she is swaddled she is DONE with rocking...she wants to be in bed...so I put the pacy in and lay her down...as crazy as this may sound I always put my hand on her chest...just enough pressure for her to feel secure...instantly he goes to sleep...I say a prayer and kiss her goodnight...this time couldn't be more perfect...I walk out of her room, and always breathe a sigh of relief...we made it one more day, and it went smoothly... I'm so thankful for her and all that she has brought to our lives...words can't describe my love for her...with that being said...sweet dreams... Love, Liza's mom

My challenge...update

Well my first 4 weeks is almost over...next week I get a "recovery" week, and then I have 4 more weeks, of more intense insanity...I am proud to say that I measured today and my results were shocking...I've lost 4 inches off of each thigh...2 1/2 inches off of my hips...1 1/2 off of each arm...1 1/2 off of my chest..and almost 2 off of my waist...it has not been easy, AT ALL especially since I've gone back to work..I've been waiting until Liza is down around 7 or 730...I'm pooped by then...but I've pushed through it, and I'm so glad...I'm looking forward to my recovery week, and then plan to hit it hard for 4 more weeks...

So if your looking for a great workout Insanity is an option...it sucks, but works;)

Happy Friday Eve...
Spenc

Mrs.Knox

I've sat down to blog on this subject 3 times and every time Ive started I stop...I have a lot of mixed feelings about this and I'm going to put it all out there...like it or not ;)

The last day time I was called Mrs.Knox was on December 21st and 7 days later my title changed to mommy...not only did my name change, but my entire life did a 180. Not only did I gain a daughter, everything about me changed a little...I think about things in a different way and in so many ways I look at life differently. Being a teacher has always been important to me and I have loved each and every child that I've taught...but in just 2 short days I will return as Mrs.Knox again, but in so many ways I will be a changed person...I think I will be a better teacher and more compassionate person...I will think of Liza all day long and think about how I want her teachers to treat her one day...the thought of sending her off with someone I don't know makes my stomach hurt deep down and makes my palms sweat...I've never ever thought about this before...and not one day will go by that I don't think of this now...

I knew in may when I found out I was pregnant that I would take 12 weeks off...These were going to be the first 12 weeks of my. Holds life and I wasn't missing a single day...of course there was a part of me that couldn't help but think of the time I would lose with my kiddos at school...but I knew every parent would understand and do the exact same if given the opportunity...when I left the school on December 21 a part of my heart hurts bc I knew I would miss them so so much...and I have but I have loved my time at home with Liza and I consider myself very lucky...I have been with her for 103 days and will cherish these days for the rest of my life...

I can remember like it was yesterday playing "house" in the playroom at my mom and dads house...I was the mommy and I had a daughter...in my 4 year old mind I stayed at home with her and did things like make cookies and dress her up...but in the real world things are so different...my days consist of crying,spitting up, pooping, washing bottles, feeding....the list goes on...and I wouldn't have missed 103 days of this for the world even when I was sitting in Liza's room crying with her bc Im exhausted beyond words...with all this being said I go back to being Mrs.Knox on Monday... I am looking forward to it in so many ways...I miss my routine when I work...in some ways I truly believe I may be a better mother...I think I will have more patience with Liza in some ways...I miss my coworkers too... I only go back for 5 1/2 weeks and then will be home for summer...I honestly believe that being a stay at home mom is the hardest job on earth...I'm not sure I could do it forever...I miss adult interaction...the minute Tyler gets home I talk his head off;)... Summer breaks will be perfect for us though bc I can't imagine the thought of going back to work "forever"... I have a huge break to look forward to.

So, I'm going back...And as excited as I am of course I have a knot in my stomach...not bc I'm worried about her being cared for properly or bc I'm worried she will be sad...I'm only worried about missing her, and if I didn't miss her something would be wrong...she will be with her 2 grandmothers who love her more than life and that makes my heart happy...I'm lucky in so many ways...I can't imagine dropping her off at a daycare where I don't know a soul...I would die...and although I will miss out on a few hours during the day I keep reminding myself...it's not the amount of time I spend with her, but how our time is spent...

On Monday morning please say a prayer for me...and for Liza and her sweet grandmothers who will be keeping her...pray that I have strength to walk in my classroom and take on the role of Mrs.Knox...and to all my parents just know that I promise to love your baby just as I would want Liza loved...

Happy Easter-
Liza's Mom