"Normal"

Exactly one month ago you could have ask me if I knew how much my life was going to change and I would have probably said oh yeah...but I'm here to tell you that was a lie... 1 months ago was December 22nd school was out and I was so ready to have Liza. I couldn't believe I made it through the end of school, but somehow I did. I can remember trying to make sure everything was in its place and organized before Christmas. I was worried about things like are all the presents wrapped and are all of Liza's clothes washed and put away. If only I knew then what I know now...

In just one month so much has changed. People say things like "your world is going to change", but you don't really pay attention to those comments. To be honest I hated those comments. As I sit here and type I wonder if all moms feel like I have or if I'm not " normal"... Tyler said it best this morning... "what is normal anyway...who really defines the word normal"...we do seem to be on a better schedule now, and I love schedules...but still we have a 1 month old so by saying we are on a schedule just means things are more in order than they were 3 weeks ago...

I have a new respect for single mothers bc I swear that without Tyler I may not be alive...he has been major help...in so many ways...my sister has been a life saver too...she seems to know exactly how i feel...I call her all the time to hear her say she's been there... we have good nights and bad nights...last night wasn't a good night...Liza is stopped up so she had trouble sleeping...poor thing has no clue she can breathe out of her mouth...this morning Tyler took her to the living room with him around 8... He shut the door and out they went...I fell apart for about 10 minutes and then dosed off...crying does make me feel better at times...this morning it was a tired cry I think...just lack of sleep...but not just that...at times I feel completely overwhelmed and I stop and remind myself that I can do this...and everything won't be perfect...and I have to be ok with that...so I fell asleep and woke up at 11:00 to a clean house...and a sleeping baby :)

Like I said a week or so ago I pray more than ever...out loud, silently...whatever works at the time...so in conclusion what does "normal" really mean...and who cares...I've made it a month with my precious little girl and our new family of three is adjusting day by day..I know I will look back on these tough days and think they weren't that big of a deal...I find myself constantly hearing my dad's famous line " take a deep breath spenc, and calm down"...it helps so much...

We are ready for a new week...with absolutely NOTHING planned ;)


With love, Liza's mom

Our first week as a family of 3...

Where do I start? Well it all started Wednesday December 28th around 5:30 am... I wasn't exactly sure what was going on, but I knew I was hurting...fast forward to 7:25 pm...and our sweet little girl was here...words can't describe how I felt...if your a mother, you know... The minute I saw her I was changed for good...forever...we came home the next night and for some crazy reason decided we could do it alone... Mom offered to stay, but we both said "no it's ok we'll be fine"... Which now I know wasn't exactly right...it was by far the scariest night of my life... New things are scary, and neither of us had a clue.. I prayed all night... Really...without stopping...when the sun came up I realized we made it... I felt so much better...for the next few days we were surrounded by our friends and family...which was wonderful...the biggest thing I have learned through this entire experience is that my parents are my rock...I have needed them more in the last week than ever...I also now know how much they love Hannah and I...and I finally get it...or I think I do...it's a lot to take in...my mother has always been my best friend, but I wouldn't have made it this week without her...
It's so true that you develop a love for your spouse that is so much stronger after a baby...instantly my love for Tyler multiplied by 100...I tell him every night that I couldn't do this without him... And I truly mean that...our 4th night home I decided to go to the living room to feed Liza in the middle of the night and stay in there instead of wake Tyler..I knew he was tired and he had to work the next day...that was one of the hardest nights...I later realized that it was bc I felt alone...as crazy as it sounds, he wasn't next to me and it made a difference...
We,ve been home with Liza for 10 nights now and every day things seem easier...I've prayed more in the past 10 days than I have in a long time...I've never loved someone so much...I could sit ans stare at her for hours...actually some days I do...I knew this would be a hard job...but I had no clue...becoming a mother has been the most rewarding yet scariest experiences of my life...I don't wanna mess up, and that's what makes it hard...I feel so so lucky to have her...my own little girl...who looks just like her daddy (which is just wonderful)...please continue praying for all 3 of us as we continue this wonderful journey...with love- Liza's mom