Sunday, April 21, 2013

Fear not...

The last week has been a difficult one.  I have felt just about every emotion.  We lost a dear friend last week and just today we talked about how it still just seems unreal.  How can he really be gone...  If I close my eyes and think of him, I see him in heaven, with that same sweet grin on his face.  This sounds so silly, but in times like these I long to be in heaven.  Of course, I have so much to live for here, but there are times when I wish we could all just go.  The heartache here on earth just seems so cruel somedays.  I often remind myself that our life here is so incredibly short compared to heaven.  For so many years I couldn't wrap my mind around that, but it seems more and more real the older I get. 

Then, the incident in Boston just adds to the emotions.  Something happens when you have a child.  Something deep down inside of me was raging as I was watching the news.  I commented that I wanted to run away with all my loved ones and build a compound and escape all of this.  As I watched the news and saw pictures of the victims I wanted to go get Liza and hold her in my arms.  I didn't want to go to work.  I wanted to stay right here in my "safe place" with everyone I love.  As I left for work on Friday morning I turned to walk down the stairs and couldn't help but notice the sun shining through the clouds.  I sat down right there on the stairs and began talking to God.  I think the first thing out of my mouth was "Why... why is this happening...why do I feel this way...why are you letting all of these horrible things happen to innocent people...what are we suppose to do?"  I have never really heard God speak directly to me...Sure, I have felt like God was trying to tell me things in my life, but never speaking directly to me...At this moment I did... The sun got brighter and brighter and shone directly through the window at the top of the stairs... As clear as day I felt God say "Stand up Spencer...I am here, dont you see me...I am in control" Instantly I had this feeling wash over me...I started thinking about all my kids at school, I'm not sure why but I did.  I picked my bags up and headed down the stairs.  The entire way to work I thought about this and wondered if I had imagined it or if it was real...

This morning in church our preacher began his sermon talking about the events that have occured this week.  He went on to say that in times like this we often want to "take our loved ones and run away and build a compound"  I knew the minute he said it, he was referring to my post on fb.  He ended his sermon with this " So I say to that mother- Instead of wanting to run away in fear, just come on back and fear not, for I am with you"  WOW..Ok ok I get it God, I get it...I heard you Friday morning, but now you are speaking directly to me through the preacher... I hear you.

So with all this being said, no matter how scary things may look and how heartbroken we may feel, God is with us... for this I am forever grateful.

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.  Isaiah 41:10

Here are a few pictures from our weekend...most of it was spent outside;)

 Liza showing me all her "boo boos" she is one rough girl!

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