Mrs.Knox

I've sat down to blog on this subject 3 times and every time Ive started I stop...I have a lot of mixed feelings about this and I'm going to put it all out there...like it or not ;)

The last day time I was called Mrs.Knox was on December 21st and 7 days later my title changed to mommy...not only did my name change, but my entire life did a 180. Not only did I gain a daughter, everything about me changed a little...I think about things in a different way and in so many ways I look at life differently. Being a teacher has always been important to me and I have loved each and every child that I've taught...but in just 2 short days I will return as Mrs.Knox again, but in so many ways I will be a changed person...I think I will be a better teacher and more compassionate person...I will think of Liza all day long and think about how I want her teachers to treat her one day...the thought of sending her off with someone I don't know makes my stomach hurt deep down and makes my palms sweat...I've never ever thought about this before...and not one day will go by that I don't think of this now...

I knew in may when I found out I was pregnant that I would take 12 weeks off...These were going to be the first 12 weeks of my. Holds life and I wasn't missing a single day...of course there was a part of me that couldn't help but think of the time I would lose with my kiddos at school...but I knew every parent would understand and do the exact same if given the opportunity...when I left the school on December 21 a part of my heart hurts bc I knew I would miss them so so much...and I have but I have loved my time at home with Liza and I consider myself very lucky...I have been with her for 103 days and will cherish these days for the rest of my life...

I can remember like it was yesterday playing "house" in the playroom at my mom and dads house...I was the mommy and I had a daughter...in my 4 year old mind I stayed at home with her and did things like make cookies and dress her up...but in the real world things are so different...my days consist of crying,spitting up, pooping, washing bottles, feeding....the list goes on...and I wouldn't have missed 103 days of this for the world even when I was sitting in Liza's room crying with her bc Im exhausted beyond words...with all this being said I go back to being Mrs.Knox on Monday... I am looking forward to it in so many ways...I miss my routine when I work...in some ways I truly believe I may be a better mother...I think I will have more patience with Liza in some ways...I miss my coworkers too... I only go back for 5 1/2 weeks and then will be home for summer...I honestly believe that being a stay at home mom is the hardest job on earth...I'm not sure I could do it forever...I miss adult interaction...the minute Tyler gets home I talk his head off;)... Summer breaks will be perfect for us though bc I can't imagine the thought of going back to work "forever"... I have a huge break to look forward to.

So, I'm going back...And as excited as I am of course I have a knot in my stomach...not bc I'm worried about her being cared for properly or bc I'm worried she will be sad...I'm only worried about missing her, and if I didn't miss her something would be wrong...she will be with her 2 grandmothers who love her more than life and that makes my heart happy...I'm lucky in so many ways...I can't imagine dropping her off at a daycare where I don't know a soul...I would die...and although I will miss out on a few hours during the day I keep reminding myself...it's not the amount of time I spend with her, but how our time is spent...

On Monday morning please say a prayer for me...and for Liza and her sweet grandmothers who will be keeping her...pray that I have strength to walk in my classroom and take on the role of Mrs.Knox...and to all my parents just know that I promise to love your baby just as I would want Liza loved...

Happy Easter-
Liza's Mom