Thursday, October 25, 2012

Sister friends...

As I get older I realize more and more than things happen at the exact time they are suppose to happen. There are still a lot of things that I question and I try not to ever question God, but I will be honest in saying that sometimes thats just hard. I'm a planner and I attempt to plan everything.  When Tyler and I started discussing having a baby, I had it all planned out in my head.  When I would get pregnant, when she would be here, when I would be off of work...all of it! God quickly showed me that I wasn't in charge. We got pregnant sooner than we planned, so my whole schedule was OFF!  I will be honest, I panicked a bit, but in no time I realized it was actually a better plan. duh.

Then in late December she made her arrival. I knew just how things would go. NOT! Withing 24 hours of her being alive I was reminded once again that my plan and my idea of what this was going to be like was so wrong.  She was now in control and everything I did revolved around her.  It didn't matter anymore that her changing table was all cutesy and that her diapers were neatly organized in her drawer because that was going to make it easy on me. What.ever.  That cutsey crap on the changing table was gone in no time.  Tha diaper drawer was a disaster and I was lucky if it had diapers in it.  What mattered was Liza and nothing else.

In the last 10 months I feel like I have done a lot of soul searching.  I find myself wanting to be a better person.  Back to the timing thing.  There are a few people that I feel like have been brought into my life for this very reason.  I have started to slow down and take it all in.  For 29 years I have flown through life and just by day just living...but not taking it all in. It has hit me like a ton of bricks.  Why have I been so unappreciative? Why havent I been a better friend? Why haven't I been a better sister? This has to stop.  I have to slow down and take a look at this life I have been blessed with. 

It's not everyday you meet people that you feel like you've known forever.  The kind of friends you could sit up with all night and just talk... maybe even cry.  The kind of friends that make you want to be a better person.  I was at such a lonely place in my life, and I needed this.  Believe it or not motherhood can get lonely.  I think its the rush and the stress that comes along with it.. and the adjustments.  Whatever it may be, I was feeling very very alone.  God knew this, obviously and in his own way...he fixed it.

With all that being said...I'm still not where I feel like I need to be, but I do think I'm headed in the right direction.  Liza deserves it, Tyler deserves it, my kiddos at school deserve it...and I owe it to myself.  There's just nothing like girlfriends and God's timing...

Happy Friday Eve... Liza's mom

1 comment:

  1. Love this post as well as you, Liza and Tyler and so proud to be your mom and friend.