Step back

I have sat down several times in the last few days to blog, but I couldn't seem to get the right words out.  In the last week or so my eyes have been opned to so much.  I say this all the time, but I think it's so true- since I've become a mother I look at so many things in life from a different perspective.  I love things that I didn't pay attention to before, I don't have patience for some things, but more than anything I seem to think before speaking (or at least I try to)  For so many reasons, #1 Liza can hear everything I say.  She may not understand it all, but one day very soon she will.  #2 I am more and more aware of other peoples feelings.  I wish I could teach this to my 4th graders. Heck, I wish I would've been more aware of this myself... I'm not referring to saying things out loud in front of others that hurt their feelings, I'm talking about before we speak,take into consideration everyone else's "story." 

Every single time I post a picture on instagram or a post on fb I think about anyone it may effect.  I have friends who have dealt with losses and sicknesses.  I have a best friend who is fighting cancer at this very minute.  My life is so easy right now and I could blink and it could all come falling down, I'm fully aware of this...more aware than ever. When I post pictures of Liza, I think about mothers who have lost their children or never were able to have children of their own.  When I post pictures of Tyler and Liza, I think about friends who have lost their husbands.   I can't stand reading complaints on fb about things that just don't matter.  Or worse than that is bragging.  I.can't.take.it.  I have to force myself to not look, because I know I will say something I shouldn't say. 

I just think we all need to take a step back and examine our lives.  Be completely honest with ourselves.  Be honest with others.  Take the time to listen to someone else's story and their life.  Just a few weeks ago I had the pleasure of doing this.  I was at parent teacher conferences and I had a father completely open up to me.  It was just the two of us in my classroom, and he talked about his childhood and his struggles in school.  He went on to tell me that all he really wanted was to raise respectful kids.  He talked about how he does everything in his power to make their lives easier than his.  It was like time completely stopped.  I sat across the table from this man who had "working man" hand and his name on his shirt and realized that in the last 10 minutes I had learned more from him than he could've ever learned from me.  I wish I could've recorded our conversation and played it for everyone.  At that moment I realized I want Liza to grow up around people like this man.  I want her to see how although we are all so different, we all have so much to offer. 

With all this being said I am so thankful for everyone in my life right now.  Every single person.  You all teach me more than you will ever know, about myself and about the person I am want to be.


XOXO
Liza's mom

sunday funday

days like today make all those hard days disappear.  we didn't do a lot, but what we did do was perfect.  it was just the three of us, all day long.  we went to the dog show this morning, and liza loved it.  i knew she would.  she "woofed" at all the dogs and made friends with a sweet golden retriever named lucy.  by the time we left i was convinced she needed an inside dog.  then i remebered all the dog hair and quickly changed my mind.

 after the dog show, we went to eat lunch.  liza made a new friend.  she loves old people.  she gets that from me.  i could sit and talk to old people forever.  this sweet little lady in andy's came right over and visited with us during our lunch.  they played peek a boo and she told liza all about her great grandchildren. 

our afternoon was spent outside.  the weather was perfect.  axle and addi came out for a while, until addi took off, and then she had to go back in dad's shop.  axle is so gentle with liza.  he follows her all over, and gets as close as he can get without knocking her over.  she loves him more than anything.  i bet she gave him 10 kisses, and then took off running.  he has no idea he is enormous, but he does know that he must be gentle with her. 


i wish i could record days like today.  record our conversation.  record tyler telling liza that she is the most perfect little girl in the whole wide world.  record liza's giggles.  i know there will be days very soon when i will miss this so much.  if i could hit pause, i would.  life has never been so sweet. 

here are a few pics from the dog show...and our afternoon.

xoxo
liza's mom

hugs and kisses



Last night before Liza's bedtime, after getting her all lotioned up and dressed, she was laying on her back on my bed.  This never ever happens, because she pretty much never stops moving unless she is sleeping. I was standing beside the bed by her feet.  I bent down to kiss her and she put those sweet, chubby arms around my neck and squeezed me so tight.  I completely melted.  All of a sudden I realized she is isn't a baby.  There she lay underneath me, I squeezed her back just as hard and with that she opened her mouth and "kissed" me right on the lips.  Unless you have a child, this feeling is foreign to you.  Words can't really explain it.  It's a love that I've never ever felt.  Different from every other love.  I wanted to scoop her up and never let her go.

Tonight as I was rocking her, it happened again.  This time she had my hand.  In the pitch dark we rocked back and forth and for a solid minute she kissed my hand.  Then held it as tight as she could until she fell asleep.  When I laid her down in bed I literally had to pry her sweet little fingers off of mine.  Times like this all I can do is thank God for giving her to me.  I can't believe I've had her for 13 months.  I need moments like these to keep me going.  Some days are so tough, and I often reach that breaking point when I don't think I can continue.  Then she squeezes my neck and I fall to my knees. 

As bad as I miss having a tiny baby, the days just keep getting sweeter.

Happy Friday
XOXO, Liza's Mom