Sunday, February 24, 2013

Step back

I have sat down several times in the last few days to blog, but I couldn't seem to get the right words out.  In the last week or so my eyes have been opned to so much.  I say this all the time, but I think it's so true- since I've become a mother I look at so many things in life from a different perspective.  I love things that I didn't pay attention to before, I don't have patience for some things, but more than anything I seem to think before speaking (or at least I try to)  For so many reasons, #1 Liza can hear everything I say.  She may not understand it all, but one day very soon she will.  #2 I am more and more aware of other peoples feelings.  I wish I could teach this to my 4th graders. Heck, I wish I would've been more aware of this myself... I'm not referring to saying things out loud in front of others that hurt their feelings, I'm talking about before we speak,take into consideration everyone else's "story." 

Every single time I post a picture on instagram or a post on fb I think about anyone it may effect.  I have friends who have dealt with losses and sicknesses.  I have a best friend who is fighting cancer at this very minute.  My life is so easy right now and I could blink and it could all come falling down, I'm fully aware of this...more aware than ever. When I post pictures of Liza, I think about mothers who have lost their children or never were able to have children of their own.  When I post pictures of Tyler and Liza, I think about friends who have lost their husbands.   I can't stand reading complaints on fb about things that just don't matter.  Or worse than that is bragging.  I.can't.take.it.  I have to force myself to not look, because I know I will say something I shouldn't say. 

I just think we all need to take a step back and examine our lives.  Be completely honest with ourselves.  Be honest with others.  Take the time to listen to someone else's story and their life.  Just a few weeks ago I had the pleasure of doing this.  I was at parent teacher conferences and I had a father completely open up to me.  It was just the two of us in my classroom, and he talked about his childhood and his struggles in school.  He went on to tell me that all he really wanted was to raise respectful kids.  He talked about how he does everything in his power to make their lives easier than his.  It was like time completely stopped.  I sat across the table from this man who had "working man" hand and his name on his shirt and realized that in the last 10 minutes I had learned more from him than he could've ever learned from me.  I wish I could've recorded our conversation and played it for everyone.  At that moment I realized I want Liza to grow up around people like this man.  I want her to see how although we are all so different, we all have so much to offer. 

With all this being said I am so thankful for everyone in my life right now.  Every single person.  You all teach me more than you will ever know, about myself and about the person I am want to be.


XOXO
Liza's mom


Sunday, February 17, 2013

sunday funday

days like today make all those hard days disappear.  we didn't do a lot, but what we did do was perfect.  it was just the three of us, all day long.  we went to the dog show this morning, and liza loved it.  i knew she would.  she "woofed" at all the dogs and made friends with a sweet golden retriever named lucy.  by the time we left i was convinced she needed an inside dog.  then i remebered all the dog hair and quickly changed my mind.

 after the dog show, we went to eat lunch.  liza made a new friend.  she loves old people.  she gets that from me.  i could sit and talk to old people forever.  this sweet little lady in andy's came right over and visited with us during our lunch.  they played peek a boo and she told liza all about her great grandchildren. 

our afternoon was spent outside.  the weather was perfect.  axle and addi came out for a while, until addi took off, and then she had to go back in dad's shop.  axle is so gentle with liza.  he follows her all over, and gets as close as he can get without knocking her over.  she loves him more than anything.  i bet she gave him 10 kisses, and then took off running.  he has no idea he is enormous, but he does know that he must be gentle with her. 


i wish i could record days like today.  record our conversation.  record tyler telling liza that she is the most perfect little girl in the whole wide world.  record liza's giggles.  i know there will be days very soon when i will miss this so much.  if i could hit pause, i would.  life has never been so sweet. 

here are a few pics from the dog show...and our afternoon.

xoxo
liza's mom














Friday, February 1, 2013

hugs and kisses



Last night before Liza's bedtime, after getting her all lotioned up and dressed, she was laying on her back on my bed.  This never ever happens, because she pretty much never stops moving unless she is sleeping. I was standing beside the bed by her feet.  I bent down to kiss her and she put those sweet, chubby arms around my neck and squeezed me so tight.  I completely melted.  All of a sudden I realized she is isn't a baby.  There she lay underneath me, I squeezed her back just as hard and with that she opened her mouth and "kissed" me right on the lips.  Unless you have a child, this feeling is foreign to you.  Words can't really explain it.  It's a love that I've never ever felt.  Different from every other love.  I wanted to scoop her up and never let her go.

Tonight as I was rocking her, it happened again.  This time she had my hand.  In the pitch dark we rocked back and forth and for a solid minute she kissed my hand.  Then held it as tight as she could until she fell asleep.  When I laid her down in bed I literally had to pry her sweet little fingers off of mine.  Times like this all I can do is thank God for giving her to me.  I can't believe I've had her for 13 months.  I need moments like these to keep me going.  Some days are so tough, and I often reach that breaking point when I don't think I can continue.  Then she squeezes my neck and I fall to my knees. 

As bad as I miss having a tiny baby, the days just keep getting sweeter.

Happy Friday
XOXO, Liza's Mom

Friday, January 18, 2013

Precious Moments

Fast pace doesn't even begin to describe our life right now.  Not because of jobs or busy schedules, but because we have the busiest/fastest/most energetic child on the face of the earth.  I think when I say this to people, they blow it off and think "oh yeah you have a toddler!" Thats the not the case.  She goes non stop from the time her feet hit the floor to the time she closes her eyes.  I think this is why she sleeps so well.  She sleeps a good 11-12 hours every night and takes 2 good naps during the day.  We joked when she started crawling, that when she began walking, it would be a run.  Well, we were right.  She takes off and is GONE.  She inherited mine and Tyler's energy and just can't stop.

She babbles all.the.time.  Non stop.  She's not really talking yet.  She says dada and dog and cat.  She loves giving kisses.  She opens her mouth as wide as she can get it and lays it on you.  She has started hugging so tight, which is the best!  She is nosey nosey.  Loves pulling everything out of drawers/purses/bags.  When she wakes in the morning or after a nap she picks up the teddy bear in her bed and kisses all over it.  If you pick her up before she does this, she's mad.  She is very very strong willed.  Who in the heck does she get that from?  If she has something and we take it away, she lets us know that is not what she wanted us to do.  It amazes me that she is as smart as she is. Not that I didn't expect it, but it blows my mind that she understands so much.  She knows so many words and exactly what they mean.  Tonight she took my phone.  I told her to go get her phone.  She turned right around, walked over to her little car and got her phone.  It's crazy that she is that big. 

Every stage seems to get a little better.  She is so loving now.  She buries her head in my legs when she wants to be picked up...Lays her head on my shoulder and kisses my face...Runs to me when I get home from work...Squeezes my neck right before I lay her down at night...It's better than I ever imagined.

My goal for the new year was to have more patience.  I feel like so far I have been successful.  I'm not saying I haven't lost my patience at all, but I think I've done better.  Tyler is so much better at this than I am.  He is so calm, and even if he's about to pop, no one knows it.  Me on the otherhand- everyone knows it. 

So often at night when I'm rocking her or even after I have put her to bed I stay in her room and do a lot of thinking.  I think about how far I've come in a year.  I think about how I love her so much it hurts.  I think about how lucky and thankful I am to be her mother, but more than anything I think about how scary this job is.  This is a life, that I'm in charge of.  There is so much I want to do.  There are so many things I want to teach her.  It is without a doubt overwhelming. 

I look around at school at all of my 9 and 10 year ols and think about all the wonderful traits that they have.  Their parents worked hard for that.  They have turned into wonderful children with so much to offer.  My prayer is that someday one of Liza's teachers will say the same.  One of the most important traits is kindness.  I will do everything in my power to teach her this.  To teach her that we are all equal, but in order for her to truly understand this, she has to see it in me. 

I've said this before, my life has so much more meaning with Liza.  She makes me want to better in so many ways.  I never knew I could love anyone so much.




XOXO
Liza's mom

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Santa, Parties, and NYE

Somehow the holidays are over.  Christmas seems like one big blur, mainly because we've all been sick in the Knox house.  It started with me the day before Christmas.  Head/throat/fever stuff.  Then I passed it onto poor Liza.  She started running fever the day after Christmas and was sick until the day after her birthday :(  She was so pitiful.  When she has fever she is just so different from her normal self.  From Tuesday until Friday she just laid on me.  I debated on cancelling her party and rescheduling, but thankfully her fever broke on Friday and Saturday morning she was a little better.  She definetly wasn't herself, but a huge improvement.  So on Friday afternoon, I called our cupcake girl and told her the party was on.  By this point Tyler was sick.  He went to bed around 6:30 Friday night and I was in a mad dash to finish all of the last minute party things.  I have spent monthS planning this party and in the middle of all this caos it was going to happen! At 1 in the morning I finally went to bed.  Woke up at 6 and we had a party at 11.  It really was perfect. (minus sick daddy)  She got so many wonderful books.  Some were passed down from family members.  Some people picked out their favorite book as a child.  Some had sweet notes written inside of them.  Pop Pop even bought one of those recordable books. (which makes me cry)  Hannah (Honey) made Liza her own "box" to keep all her letters in.  In the Pratt house that was very important.  I still have my box and still to this day I love to pull it out and read old letters.  So in the end Christmas was kind of a blur with the snow and sickness, but the birthday party was great.  We had a friend come take pictures, and I can't wait to get them all back!

For New Years Eve, Liza stayed with Cookie, Pop Pop, and Pratt.  She and Pratt had so much fun.  We went to El Dorado to eat dinner with some friends.  Friends that we made in 2012.  One of them being my doctor who delivered Liza.  She and I clicked from the beginning and have become close friends.  Tyler and her husband are so much alike its scary.  My precious friend Corrie was there too, and her wonderful husband.  Corrie and I also met this year and I feel like she's been my best friend for years.  It was special to get to spend New Years with her.  She is the strongest person I know and is fighting the hardest battle I have ever witnessed, but she's winning.  She is so inspiring and makes me want to be a better person.  2013 is going to be her year, I just know it.  2012 sure wasn't easy for her, but she has fought every single step of the way. 

Since it is a new year I have been doing a lot of thinking about what I want for this year and I've tried to narrow it down.  I want to have more patience, with Liza, Tyler, my school kids, just everyone.  I also want to slow down.  (if you know me well this is very hard)  The first year of Liza's life flew by and I regret not slowing down and taking more in.  I let small day to day things get in the way.  I have to stop.  Before I know it she will be starting school and I will wonder where our time went.  My mom brought me a box of my old things that she found and when I opned the box I found a book that my parents gave me when I was 12.  Inside my dad wrote a note and in that note he said "You have blessed our lives more than you will ever know and until you have a child of your own you will never know the love we have for you."  I fell apart reading this because he is so right.  I knew they loved me, but until I had Liza I couldn't imagine the love they feel for Hannah and I.  A year ago today I was learning how to take care of a new baby.  I was so scared and anxious.  I did a lot of crying and praying, and we made it.  We made it a year with a healthy, happy baby girl.  We made mistakes here and there, but we succeeded.  "We" being the key word.  I couldn't have done it alone.  Tyler is more than I could've ever asked for.  He knows just when to step in or  when to walk away.  Our days haven't always been easy.  Looking back the first 2 years of our marraige was so easy, but like he said last Friday night "our life has so much more meaning now."  My friend Corrie said something one day that will stick me forever.  We were discussing how children change everything and she said "When I had my first baby I told myself, I will always support my husband in any decision he makes when it comes to my children, because after all I chose him to be their father.  I could've chosen anyone, but he's the one I chose, so therefore I will always support him" What a HUGE statement, but so so so true.  See, isnt' she wonderful...Yep.

Here are a few pics from the holidays.  As soon as I get the birthday pictures back I will post them.  Happy New Year my friends.  Let's be patient and take the time to enjoy the ones we love.

XOXO...




                              Christmas night at Cookie's

                     
                        She loves her chase me kitty


                                            
             P loves his new car... Max- not so sure


Opening gifts at Grandmothers

                                                
                                      Birthday morning...sweet baby

                                                        
                                    P and Liza hanging at the party

                                              
                                    So much I could say about this picture




                                        Preview of the party


Our sweet birthday girl...Happy Birthday Liza Kate




Tuesday, December 18, 2012

10 days

In just 10 days my baby girl will be a year old.  I always heard people say "I wish time would stop", but I never truly understood it until now.  Right now. I haven't slowed down enough to really let it sink in, but tonight it hit me.  10 days. 10 days people. How in the world is this possible.  The only thing appropriate to do at a time like this was look at pictures of her birth.  So thats what I did.  Mistake. Huge mistake.  I want to go back to that day so bad, but then again no the heck I dont.  It was truly the best day of my life, labor and all.  I say all the time I would do it over 500 times, it was the most exciting day.  But, it was scary too.  We were clueless. I can see it all over our faces. (Tyler and I)  It is so so nice to be able to say that we finally have it all together.  As we flipped through the pictures Tyler said "I think next time we will be ok, we've got this down now"  Did you hear that?  He said "next time" HOLY COW...I knew the day would come, but didn't know it would come this soon.  He wouldn't utter those words 1 month ago. 

The last year has just flown by.  I look at her all the time and wonder how it happened so fast.  She isn't a baby anymore.  She's a very very busy toddler.  By busy I don't just mean she walks around.  She runs.  She is non stop unless she is sleeping.  I think this is why she sleeps so good. Her newest trick is holding up one finger.  We say "How old is Liza" and she holds up one finger, but her favorite part is the clapping afterwards and her famous "YAY"  She loves dancing and swaying back and forth.  She blows kisses, except her version of this is only the kiss part, she forgets to blow it.  She loves for you to sing and she sings along.  At night after her baths we use the hair dryer and she sings the whole time.  She is just so much fun.  I don't remember our life before her.  It has so much more meaning now. 

In 10 days we will celebrate her first birthday.  Not only will I be celebrating her birthday, I will also celebrate the fact that we made it.  Thanks to so many.  We made it an entire year without "really" messing up.  I think I just may get 3 candles.  One for Liza, Tyler, and me.

XOXO,
Liza's mom

That was then...This is now


Sunday, December 9, 2012

Sleep training

Ok so a friend ask me a few weeks back to post about sleep training. First and foremost let me say I do not know everything about sleeping or a baby. I've only been doing this for a year. Also, my child wasn't hard at all to sleep train, so that makes it easier on me.  I must give all credit to my sister, she is the one who told me what to do and how to do it.  I did read Baby Wise, but after about 4 chapters I was over it.  I wasn't willing to read an entire book that repeated itself over and over and over. The overall goal was- you put your child on your schedule.  You decide when they sleep and eat.  I can remember being 9 months pregnant and pulling the book back out bc I didn't feel "ready" ,but still the second time it was the same thing.  So I closed the book and listened to my sister.  She did this twice and I trusted her and every single piece of advice she gave me.

So here it goes... First of all you must have a miracle blanket. Not just any swaddle, it must be a miracle blanket.  From day one I swaddled her.  At first I only swaddled at night time.  In hopes that she would figure out day vs. night.  She slept all the time at first, no set nap time just lots of sleep, but at night time usually around 10 (at first) I swaddled her and put her down.  Our first real routine was 10-2-6.  When she woke up at two I never unswaddled her. (unless she was dirty) I fed her with the lights off and put her back down.  I really think when I would unswaddle her she would wake up.  The lights are a biggie too.  Leave them off unless you want to get up!  Then at six,  I would unswaddle her, feed her and change her diaper.  Gradually her naps became real naps, not just sleeping all day long.  At this point I started swaddling her for naps too.  She would take a morning nap, a short lunch nap, and then afternoon.  I remember being worried that this was too much, but it wasn't.  Eventually she quit the lunch time nap and developed 2 big naps.  One at 8:30 and one at 1:30 we still to this day take these naps... same time every single day. 

Back to night sleep- I started realizing by the time she was one month old that she was getting really fussy around 6 pm, so we assumed she was tired...Bingo we.were.right! So that night we gave her a bath at six, fed her, swaddled her and put her to bed.  Crazy huh... I was a nervous wreck.   I just knew I was screwing everything up bc the 10-2-6 thing wasn't bad.  What in the heck was I doing? Crazy or not she slept til two just like always and woke at six.  Shutup... I was pumped.  I remember telling Tyler now all we need is that two o'clock feeding to stop and we have won this training game!

 I am a big believer in rice cereal.  Not just a little  A LOT! The best way I can explain it is "runny applesauce" I started putting cereal in the 6:30 bottle and within a few weeks she quit waking up at two.  So at this point I was thrilled.  We hadn't even had to do the crying it out thing yet. 

Seventeen weeks after she was born, I went back to work and was so glad we were on this fabulous schedule.  Then all of a sudden one night she started waking up at 2:30 I can remember laying in bed and saying to Tyler "I know she isn't hungry", bc after all she had been sleeping all night.  The first night I went in to check on her.  I walked in her room (no lights) picked her up (without saying a word) and  checked her diaper. She was wet, but nothing out of the normal.  I changed her, laid her back down and without uttering a word walked out.  The screaming did begin but didn't last too long.  I know the no talking thing sounds mean, but she had to understand that it was night time, and at night time we sleep.  Its dark and we don't talk or play.  It only took a few night of this and she quickly figured out there was no point to scream her head off.  This only happened a few nights and then it just stopped.  Of course, we still will have nights when she doesn't feel good that things don't  go so smoothly, but 95% of the time she sleeps soundly all night long. 

So at this point she was swaddled from 6:30 pm to 6 am and sleeping great.  The next battle was  6/7 months when she was too big for the miracle blanket.  I was FREAKING out! How in the world was I going to do this?  I just knew she would wake herself up with those hands.  I decided to start with taking just her arms out during naps only.  We gradually got rid of the swaddle and she rolled over on her belly and slept just fine.  Some nights she falls asleep taking a bottle, other nights she is awake when I lay her down and she puts herself to sleep.  Just tonight she talked for about 30 minutes before crashing, but never cried.

Today we are still on this schedule and she will be a year old in a few weeks.  I am fine if she stays on this schedule for another year.  Heck, I'd be fine is she were on this schedule for 10 more years.  It works. Is it always easy on us?  Nope, not at all.  We have no life after 6 pm unless we have a babysitter.  We eat dinner early and we don't sleep past 6 am most days, but I have a happy happy baby that knows exactly what to expect.  She knows she will wake at 6...nap from 8:30- 9:30/10..then nap again from 1:30-2:30/3... then take a bath around 6:30 and go to bed by 7.  Schedules are good for us.  Even my students do better on schedules.  Kids like to know what to expect. 

Like I said earlier this blog was not at all intended to sound like I know everything about sleep training, because I DON'T!  But maybe, just maybe it will help someone.  It sure works well for us. 

Have a great week!
XOXO Liza's mom