Somehow I turned 30 today. When I say I feel like I was 16 I am dead serious. I can remember just like it was last night when my dad pulled up in my brand new black honda with the biggest red bow on the top. How has that been 14 years ago? Where did the time go? How am I thirty years old and a mother?
I will say this, the last year of my life has been the very best so far. That sounds crazy since about 3 months of that year I was CRAZY...yep, I said it, completely out of mind. Walking around this house in yoga pants and sweatshirts and crying 15 out the 24 hours in a day. I'm gonna say that was from January to March. Then, it was like one day I just snapped out of it. I still won't say it was post partum, but it was a terrible case of the baby blues. Like I said though within time I was ok. Still though, even including those dark dark months, the past year has been the best.
Liza gets a lot of credit for making it so good. Anyone who is a mother understands how you are changed the minute your baby is welcomed into this world. I wouldn't have considered myself a selfish person at all prior to Liza, but I can say now that I don't have an ounce of selfishness left. I just don't matter anymore, and I'm 150% ok with that (crazy huh) I have lived for the moment, not worrying about what's to come. I have realized how strong I really am, but at the same time how much I need Tyler, and my family, and my best friends. I have prayed more in the last year than in my life. Prayed for Liza, her daddy, myself...constantly.
But I have to stop and say thank you...thank you to every single person who has been involved in my life this last year, because I swear without every one of you, I'm not sure I would've made it. Tonight as I rocked Liza and sniffed her hair I began to cry, not because I'm sad, but because thats how much I love her, so much it hurts. And because a whole year is almost gone. Tomorrow she will be 11 months old and I can't believe it. I want to go back and start over. I want to do it all again, even the hard days. Even the days when I texted Hannah and said " I can't do this!" I want those days back.
With all that being said the number 30 doesn't bother me one single bit. Some days I feel 21 and other days 45. I can't wait to see what this year holds. Again, thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who helped make the last year so good... I love you all.
Blowing out the candle with mom